[El Bastardo]

Originally Posted by melloman

Ok.... I'd like to be clear and hope that was a respone... right Tachy? (LOL!)

Thats my bad. No, I don't have a kid.. anymore. But that Code Adam stuff they pull at the mall is bullshit. You can rent movies, and you can rent cars, but you can't try out a kid for a day to see what it would like being a dad? Hello Communist Canada.


The following is a reply from the anonymous member

We have talked about it and she is happy with use, she is confident in the relationship. She loves me, I love her and she shows me this often.
Being tired and busy are excuses but sometimes valid ones. On a daily basis we have a total of maybe 2 hours to ourselves when the child is in bed and we can spend some time together.
We both enjoy relaxing and winding down from our days witch by the end of that 2 hours we are both falling asleep.

I don't know if I do the things she wants me to to get her in the mood. He likes to be taken control of but I am not really like that so much. I have my moments but not overly aggressive. I guess that may be something to try.

Originally Posted by Tapioca

In my experience, if a woman loses an interest in being initimate physically (sex, cuddling, etc.), then she has lost interest in you. Being tired and busy is just an excuse. In fact, physical initmacy should be something that she looks forward to at the end of a long day. Sure you need to do your part and turn her on, but it's not really that hard - touch her in the right places, say the right things, and it should be easy-peasy. The sex won't always be good, but she at least will do her part.

I'm sorry to say it, but it looks like your relationship is more or less finished.
Posted via RS Mobile

Yes, things moved VERY fast but we do have a past. One in which we dated years ago but we ended up going seperate ways. Life seems to have brought us back together and I really want to make this work. I love her more than I could ever explain. We have been together, and happy, for almost 8 months.

Personal issues are family related and things from the past. I wont go into it but it is a heavy burden for her and often times brings her to tears, sometimes hysterically so.

Originally Posted by miss_crayon

No offense..but you guys are moving way too quickly in this relationship IMO. Half a year (or just over as you mentioned) and you guys already live together? Not saying this is the end result (or fault of any of you) of the sexless relationship..but I think it plays a part in it. Typically a relationship doesn't have a turning point of whether you stay or leave until the 4th month mark becauses that's when you have a more basic knowledge of who this person is and out of the "honeymoon" phase. Obviously the relationship was super amazing beforehand because you both didn't really know one another and everything was still relatively fresh.

I don't know the history you 2 have (friends before..dating before becoming a couple...??) but chances are...the relationship is already on its last string and she's reeling back her intimacy levels to clear her mind on whether she she sees you in her future or not. Personal issues can be a factor but what is the extent of it? School...work...family....?

We do cuddle often, i often hold her hand when driving. We hug often. Always falls asleep in my arms every night. Its not that there is nothing there at all, it is lacking to the point that it makes me worry.

Originally Posted by JKam

Not entirely true.. I have dry spells that can go upwards of a month. It just happens that one of us is really busy with work/school or something else. My relationship is strong even after (almost) 5 years.

This happens and it's not a big deal. For me anyways.

Oh I misread your post. I thought it was just sex. We cuddle al the time lol.

Honestly, I rarely initiate it. I often times try to wait for the opertune moments rather than take control. I guess I feel nervous about it a bit with her. Not normal for me that's for sure.
I never push her for sex, I want it to be a two sided thing. Im not there just to get off, its more than that.

I will do whatever it takes to make this work I just need some insight to understand why it would change, why a woman who shows me unconditional love will not show it physically as often as she and I feel it should be. Very confusing situation.

Originally Posted by melloman

I'd like the OP to answer 1 question:

Do YOU always initiate sex? I've learned foreplay is always nice, but I won't even push for sex. Even though I might have the crazy desire, I don't push. Eventually the foreplay is going to do either 1 of 2 things.

A.) Make her initiate (love THAT!)
B.) Make her so angry she says something about it.. (initiate conversion about it, always good aswell)

It's priorities.. if you love her, and like being around her.. your willing to try anything to stay with her.

@Tapioca: I must be the exception. I've made compromises but still have fun 1-2 times a week. Before she would just "give it to me" and now she enjoys the fuck outta it again... just like the "honeymoon" stage. =P

Its not BAD, its just becoming less and less. Just not looking forward to the 3-4 week dry spells if it continues along these lines. To give some perspective, it was usually 6-8 times a week for quite some time. Things have changed for both of us in life and things are different now that cause us both to have less time and energy.....but for me I can ALWAYS muster energy to get my lady off :P

Originally Posted by Ferra

once a week really doesn't sound too bad...

We are both in our mid-late 20's and comfortable with the whole sex thing. She is an amazingly strong and confident woman. Best person I have ever meet and the one I hope to marry.
Attraction is not the issue I dont think. I am often reminded how good looking I am to her and I always let her know how I feel about her.
Maybe I am expecting to much?

Originally Posted by Tapioca

For the record, I have mainly dated women in their late 20s and 30s. Women in their early 20s or teens may not actually enjoy sex because they are not comfortable with their bodies or they use sex as a tool of power over men. I've never lived with a woman before, but each time I've seen a woman I've dated or been in a relationship with, we've always found the time and energy to have sex. And if they weren't physically able because they were on their cycle, then at least we would mess around.

Women in their 30s know their bodies, and know what they like. If they're attracted to you, they will have sex with you - it's as simple as that.
Posted via RS Mobile

She is in her mid-late 20's as am I.
It is mainly just the sex thing because we do touch and hold hands. Its not a cold wall between us.....not yet, but this is why I want to nip it in the but.
We live together so serious is not the issue I dont think. I am with her child on a daily basis. I am more of a father to it than its real father. I would love to call her my own but we are not at that point of the relationship.

Originally Posted by melloman

I'd also like to ask how old is this women? I was under the assumption of mid 20's.. I was also under the assumption of this was regarding sex.. if she doesn't even want to TOUCH YOU.. somethings wrong man.

She either doesn't feel comfertable around you, or because she has a child, she doesn't want it to get too serious. My 0.02 cents.

Hahaha....so I have been told.
I'm all about the romance but it can be hard to do as often as I want as we are on a tight budget and don't have a heck of a lot of time.

I kiss her all the time, walk up behind her when she is cooking and just hug her and kiss her neck. I always get the hug back. I tell her every day how beautiful she is and how amazing of a mother she is.
We often go out as a family to do things. Go to breakfast/lunch/dinner together. We watch movies together often but I'm afraid that it will become stale and boring to her.

When we do get physical its great. She is into it, I am into it and its not your 5min thing....its often a very well rounded event. But I just feel like it is slipping and I don't want that. I feel distance between us when we aren't intimate for a while and I tell her this....she just says "then take me to the room and do it"......I know everyone will say "SO DO IT" but sometimes its not easy to just do that. I dont want to feel like I am using her for sex because I love her and she is so much more to me than sex.
[QUOTE=mk1freak;7855863]dude she has a child......take it from a guy who knows by experience...having children means having no secksi time..... sad but true fact. If you want to get it back look to having lots quality time and lots of cuddling you're gonna have to work on the romance part of the relationship. Don't forget secksi time is only supposed to be 10% of the relationship....or so i've been told

Do stuff randomly like walk up kiss her and smell her hair, and if she asks why tell her you just want to have her scent to take you through the day....

arrange a date night which includes the kid or better yet deal with all the kid stuff and if she asks why you're doing it just tell her you want to watch a movie you downloaded with her and wanted to get the kid all ready to bed so you would be able to (just make sure its a chickflick and make homemade popcorn! )

then after SMACK DAT AZZZZZZZ MUAHAHAHAHAHAH.......sorry ignore that... i just got carried away there.