[El Bastardo]

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I debated within myself for the longest time if I should share my story here and finally I think its the time when I need some comments and feedback from a "third person" point of view. Please excuse my typo and grammar in this passage because honestly I'm a very poor writer and I'll try my best to be as clear and explicit as I can about my story. Of course...I'll try to keep it as short as possible. and sorry if my ideas / sentences keep flying around...I'm typing as I'm thinking what to type.

I know this girl ever since high school. Back in the high school days, the girl and I knew we had a thing but due to timing issue, we never got a chance to be together. We remained as good friends for those few years.

After we got into post-secondary, we didnt really talk and hang out much. Obviously in between we dated our girlfriends/boyfriends separately. The only time I got to see her was a few times during reunion with a group of friends. After post secondary, she decided to travel back to her home country and helped out in her family business. She would then travel back to Canada a few times to visit / enjoy her vacation / etc.

Here was what happened and how my problem began....when she came back this one time, I decided to call her and had dinner with her to catch up. We talked at least a couple hours at dinner and we decided to go to a lounge after. I got a little tipsy and for some reason...a small part of me told me it is the right time to kiss and make out with her...we stayed there for a good 1-2 hours and made out a few times. That night was the first night she came over at my place as well. I know this sounds really messed up...but both of us are in a 5 years + relationship...

Ever since that time, we talked/texted a lot more often even when she is away. I would offer to bring her around, drive her to airport and etc. We would party together and again she will stay over.We even went on a short trip together and stayed over a night. However, a couple months ago, she told me that she felt the guilt within her and wanted us to stop what we were doing...(which I do respect because I know what I was doing was wrong too)Our mutual friends do not know what happened between us as well....we act really normal in front of everyone.

The weird thing is...she recently came back and Everything happened again...It seemed like she took back what she said to me before. We knew we both have our boyfriend/girlfriend and she knows I somewhat like her...and she did admit she missed me when she is away. However, she doesnt want to say it straight to my face because she said "she does not want to make things complicated"....(what the hell does that mean?...because we are both in a relationship?)

Does she wants to keep this casual and continue with this? or maybe she is waiting for something? I know for a fact that she is not doing too well with her boyfriend..

or maybe I am thinking too much and should just stop ? and yes...I feel the guilt too..but I do like this girl...