Quote:
Originally Posted by GGnoRE
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i didn't say he wasn't a cheater. and i didn't say i wasnt a cheater.
i didnt make up any excuse.
what he is doing is considered cheating.
and im saying...
AND?!
and nothing!
nobodys? somebodys? what?!
you mean don't go around pretending to be someone's but act like you're no ones?
why should he let her know his decisions?
he clearly hasnt made one.
if he made one he wouldnt be asking us for advice.
he will let her know his decisions when he makes one. obviously. when he makes a decision he will either dismiss girl #1 or dismiss girl #2. he'll keep the one better fit for him.
and anyways, girls are expensive, relationships are expensive.
he probably doesn't have the wallet to support two girls when it really comes down to it. so he'll have to eventually pick one anyway.
he's confused because he's probably never loved two women at once.
im just explaining his feelings to him.
and im rationalizing the situation to best help him.
remember, it's HIM on this forum asking us for help. not her.
we dont know a thing about her or her perspective.
you guys think it's not "fair" to her. but you don't even know her.
and you guys fail to acknowledge the fact that "fair" is also just an illusion. if this guy was in this affair with another girl, or if he wasnt, doesnt make 1 single difference to her at this moment. what are u guys gonna do? go rat him out?
you guys are the ones all jumping him like hounds, trying to duplicate your possessive egotistical views and biases on him. prodding him with your branding irons, trying to persuade him with attacks lol.
guilt isnt gonna convince him of anything, it might push him in the direction you guys want, but in the end if he still doesnt want it, he's gonna go back to doing what he was doing before he asked us for advice.
Spoiler!
Quote:
Originally Posted by El Bastardo
The following is a reply from the anonymous member
To be honest, I am very thankful for all these feedback and comments, I do value them alot as I believe I was clueless of what I was doing for the past half a year. And by posting my story here, I know I will get called all these nasty names and I know it is very stupid of me and "douchy" to do whatever I did in the past.
one person here said that..." at the end...its your current GF that will be there for you.." and the other person said " love is a decision...not an emotion you feel"...that got me thinking alot for the past 2 days...
I know this sounds stupid but My GF and I have been doing long distance for almost a year and its very difficult for me...Obviously I know this is definitely not an acceptable reason to do what I did...but sometimes i just wanna say...its really hard.. (yes I am still a douche of what I did).
I do care about my GF still...maybe not in eyes of you guys because I didnt mention a single thing about my GF....
but you know that feeling when you wanted something really bad and you couldnt get it? Sometimes I have that feeling about the other girl..again...I know its stupid...but I agree to all of you that this is probably temporary and get my head straight of whats right and wrong..
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don't feel bad dude. the guilt you are feeling is just some stupid feeling the world has decided that you should feel when you love more than 1 woman at the same time.
people will always think 'cheaters' are douches ones that fall into society's false... i don't even know how to word it. false ideal... of this weird idolization of what a romantic relationship should be. thinking it's some complete union between two faithful people. but in reality they are supporting an illusion. love is an illusion. possessive.
when your friend said, in the end, it's your current gf that will be there for you.
but if she's there for you and you don't want her, she's of no use still.
i sure as hell couldnt care less if a girl is there for me, if i didn't want her.
how does he know girl#2 wont be for you at the end if you guys fully embrace each other's feelings for each other? he's assuming.
and... love isnt a decision, it's an emotion you feel.
the decision you make is which one to be with (at the moment) to fulfil that feeling.
you can love one, one moment, and love the other another moment. or love both at the same moment.
so your friends are both wrong.
love is the feeling you feel with her right now, it's lust and infatuation. but is it not the same feeling you felt when you met your "actual" gf too? love is a feeling.
and you're choosing to open the flood gates and express it and let it in.
some say a real man wouldn't cheat. i say the opposite.
a real man isn't afraid of what society thinks of him, or what labels other people will try to put on him. a real man will accept the consequences of the risks he takes. when his plan fails or backfires on him, he will not blame anyone but himself. he knew the risks associated with the actions he took. that's all there is to it.
you and your gf have been long distance for 1 year? man, honestly, you have to be a realist in this situation. i was in a LD for the longest fucking time. your life has to go forward too. she's not here for you right now. and youre not there for her right now.
what are the chances of you two being together forever? realistically, remove biases and feelings. if you had to bet your family's life on this would you bet that it's gonna work out, or its not gonna work out in the long run? (i mean factor in your feelings and also her feelings. it only takes one of you to give up, so if you're willing to give up, and then you factor the chance that she will give up... you see where im going?)
love is an illusion and it takes two to support that illusion.
you're already starting to remove the support.
your gf is long distance.. that's removing support
it's been 1 year... that's definitely removing support.
remember, you're only seeing this from YOUR perspective.
she thinks you possibly cant be cheating on her. if she finds out she'll be fucking shocked.
now flip the perspective, she could be doing the same to you. maybe not fucking other guys, but she's definitely got other guys asking her out, and how do you know she hasnt gone out for coffee or thought about it? (and don't use this as leverage to cheat, it's just something to think about). you'd be shocked too if you found out right?
but out of sight out of mind. you don't know. she doesnt know.
you're not married. you're still trying to seek who the "right" person is.
your current girlfriend may not be the one, or possibly isnt the one.
you have the right to go seek out other people, while not breaking this one off.
especially if you're long distance.
someone that dumps their entire heart into a relationship and then the relationship goes bust, and they end up with nothing and crying alone in the corner... are idiots.
blind love, only hurts you in the end. you can't count on being the small minuscule percentage of people who have a fairytale love story, where it's 100% pure and works out 100% for the rest of your life.
and fuck everyone else that says you don't care about her because you didn't tell her.
if anything you CARE more. you still value that feeling of love you have for her.
if you didn't give two shits, you wouldn't even be asking us for advice, you'd just be banging other (many more) chicks and you'd keep her around but tell her off when she got too suspicious or annoying.
THATS not caring.
secondly, girl #2 right now also knows what she's getting into. she's in the exact situation as you are.
plus, humans are capable of loving more than one person at once.
i definitely know i can.
to figure out who you wanna keep you just gotta figure out who you love more. and who's better for your life.
to figure out who you want to express your love to... well you can do it to both of them.
a girl that loves you wont dump you because you expressed love for another woman. she'll accept it and move on instead of being possessive and pissy. and if you love her more, at the end you'll end up with her too.
and the same action and ideology would be applied toward her from you, if you truly loved her (whoever she may be).