The following is a reply from the anonymous member
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Originally Posted by dinosaur
I don't think you are asking for much. I think she has maybe become to comfortable and unconsciously is taking you for granted.
She says you have nothing to worry about and that the relationship is fine...but it is not. Re-evaluating your relationship and contemplating a break-up is always more difficult when there is no BIG reason to do so....by BIG, I mean cheating, lying, drugs, abuse, etc...Some times there is no real reason to break-up but on the other side, there is no reason to stay together. These type of break-ups, IMO, are a lot more difficult....especially when there is a child (yours or not) involved. Some relationships just fizzle slowly and you don't realize it until it is almost done.
You are right in assuming that she may not feel the chemistry with you....it may hurt you to hear that or realize it, but I think it is a case where you are a nice, stable, caring guy who is there for her and her child and she is enjoying it. I do not think she is aware of what she is doing, but in a way she is taking advantage of it. Is she aware of how serious you are about this? I do not encourage, in any way, that you drop an ultimatum on her (sex or break-up) and you do not appear to be a guy like that, but maybe she isn't truly understanding your overwhelming frustration. She may just be too comfortable.
I really understand what you are going through...I may not have been in you exact position, but I was in a relationship like yours. I knew what was happening and I knew there was no chemistry, but I also knew that a break-up after years and years is VERY difficult. I didn't do the right thing and have a serious, honest conversation with him and I didn't have enough balls to call it what it was (in reality, a friendship with the odd fuck and daily 'goodnight' kiss). After 9 years, he got so frustrated he busted a nut in another chick and the relationship ended pretty damn quickly. In the end, I wasn't sad or upset at all...but, I was mad at myself for knowing what was happening for years and never dealing with it.
Soon, I think you will get to the point where you stop caring. You will stay for the kid, or because you are a nice guy, and end up wanting to blow your fucking brains out until some little chicky shakes her tail-feather in your face and you will pounce. Then, you will be "that guy".
Don't be "that guy".
Face up to what is happening and tell her e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g....even if you know it will hurt. Tell her the relationship needs help and that you need to speak to a professional.
Do the hardest part now...not when your shit is being tossed out a window.
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I understand what you are saying and I do agree.
Things seem to have changed a bit in the relationship. We have had a few good talks and she has opened back up to me. She could not explain why she had become closed for a while other than to say that with everything else going on in her life she felt completely overwhelmed with life.
Shortly after these convos I was "jumped" by her and things were great.
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Originally Posted by 6793026
I don't care who you date, why you are dating and who she is. You can date a midget or any single moms for all I care. The bottom line, you're not getting the affectionate side from you.
For my girl, she is also like that too. I had a long talk with her and it's been tough. I am at the SAME boat as you so I can honestly say it really bothers me too. She says she loves me, the best relationship ever... etc. I'm scared she wants me because she knows I'm the best she has ever had however, she's just doesn't have that chemistry with me.
It's always at the back of my mind.
A few things, 1) I told her to go off the pill 2) I told her i won't ever push her for sex 3) I did notice and she did tell me this is the FIRST time ever having to show her feelings and emotions.
Even though she had been thru a lot and really changed to show her feelings, I'm still not feelings it. I don't know what I should do too. Thanks for bringing this up man.
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It does suck. It puts thoughts in your mind about the relationship when there may be no need to think about it.
I think at times we both have moments where we are not interested in the physical thing and its on a mental level. But then we have times where we go at it like bunnies in heat. It really throws me for a loop some times.
The pill is not an excuse in our relationship as she is not on it.
I never push her for sex, ever, but I need to take control more because it is what she responds to the best.
If I can give some advice, it would be to talk to her more. Tell her exactly what you said here. Tell her how it makes you feel and the fears you have.
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Originally Posted by Noir
Serious answer:
If you have no intention of letting her go, and she has no intention of upkeeping her maintenance obligations, I would just get some on the side. Just play it safe when you're getting someone else to scratch your back.
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Not a chance. I love this girl and sex means more than just getting off to me. I would not be able to live with myself if I were to do that to her.
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Originally Posted by Glove
Chicks always use the "the pill is affecting my mood" exuse,
me and my gf have been together for 6 years,
around year 3/4 we ran into this same problem, she tried changing pills and what not.
Just wasnt working out, sex became like once a month.
We changed it up and went to the taboo show that comes to Van once a year, we bought her some toys and some outfits and a bunch of other fun stuff we could use.
The sex is now better than ever, and more frequent than ever. You gotta make it fun for them, let them dress up n shit, they like all that crap, whereas we just wanna get in there.
I dont know why you guys are having this problem after month 6? seems too soon to be out of the honeymoon phase already.
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For me, I am not. I'm a hopeless romantic.....still get those butterflies but I have always been this way in a relationship.
For her it not the same, probably because we moved in together so soon and the relationship had had a very serious tone to it. We both know what we want out of the relationship and we often times talk about it.
Maybe we are just missing the fun side of things. It is much harder to get out and have fun on a regular basis when you have a little one but I like to try because when we are out having fun or doing things life is amazing. We are amazing together and we seem to show each other more love than we would otherwise.
Sex wise that may be something fun to do. I will see how she feels about that.
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Originally Posted by Alpine
Apologies if u have already answered this, but you mentioned that there was a lot on her mind. Have u sat down and talked about what's bothering her? Personally I hate it when so's say that the problems are personal and they don't want to burden you with their problems because the latter is exactly what ends up happening! Their problems overwhelm them and that results in stress and problems in the relationship and a decrease in the quality of our lives. Judging by how you feel for each other and where you want this relationship to go, I think she needs to share her problems and confide in you and you need to take on some of the burden that's weighing her down. Even if you aren't able to help her solve anything, at least you can stop playing the guessing game and driving yourself insane with theories and talking things out will make her feel better.
Posted via RS Mobile |
We have sat down and talked about everything that is going on in her life. Its hard for her to open up about stuff when she has many things going on in her life all at the same time. Often times it all mixes together and is hard to understand. But the last talk we had went very well, we were both very calm and she shared a lot with me. Helped me see what she was feeling and how it effected her.
My ultimate fear is what I may not be told the truth or there may be something to hide from me. That scares me the most....probably due to my last relationship where it was just a hot mess. I try not to let things from my past dictate how I feel about the present but the thoughts are harder to dismiss when you are not feeling 100% secure in the relationship.