Quote:
Originally Posted by BaoTurbo
Most of the stuff on that list I was going through already when I was 19. I grew up is a Chinese conservative view family yet I am a true CBC. I have chinese values as well, but I also have western culture in me. It bugs me every single time my parents tell me "why are you so useless, not being able to go into university". I have been called useless, piece of shit, idiot, lazy, smart, no one will hire you, no university will accept you, no one will be with you by my parents or relatives throughout my teen years.
I resulted in smoking to relieve stress. Not a lot but about from a pack every 3 months, to 1 a day now. Nothing much, but my parents object it very much; I could care less. There were a lot of times when I felt so stranded and lost in this world, like nothing really belongs to me and everyone in the world turned their back on me. From grade 8-12, I had a password on my computer so my parents could monitor and control my usage to a point where I had 1 hour approx usage a day. It wasn't until after grade 12 i figured out I could hack my own computer by using the time I have on it searching on Google. So I did and they stopped after that, resulting in even more arguements and battles to a point where I was thrown out almost.
As we grow older as well we tend to have less friends. My group of high school friends were the ones I had left after I graduated and also most of us had each other, but their mentality is still in high school. 4/5 friends are in Langara including me and then it was all guys as well. No problem there, but when there's absolutely nothing to talk about, it was time to find stuff to shit on each other to stir things up. Things were made up and many laughs were had but we basically made laughing stocks of each other just for that night to survive. It was stupid.
I have an older mentality and I see things pretty far. I like talking to adults and having friends older than me because they have much more knowledge and things to talk about other than a bunch of friends from high school that never left high school. I have a girlfriend now which made things better but that was the only thing that made my life great. It was because my girlfriend was someone I can actually call my own and my very first at age 20.
Jobless now as well going to university after I transferred I really wonder if I should really stay and pull through or quit like the many others around me. Sometimes I really wish I had a group of older trustworthy friends around me I can grab a coffee with anytime anyday and talk about whatever we want to get off our chest. So much I could talk about over a coffee and a smoke. Too bad that day has yet to come....
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i've been through exactly what you have been though but just not as severe regarding the family part. my mother use to always go back to hong kong and say there for a couple of months to a year when i was approx grade 5-7ish. it was at that time that i basically marked my territory at home, showed people i was independent. my parents understood that and let me be but i can guarantee that my aunts and uncles look down on me. they even told their kids that im a bad boy because I RIDE A MOTORCYCLE!!!! told them they shouldn't communicate with me because im a bad example.
my parents love me, i know that, but deep down i don't feel like im at home when im at home. and because i lost all friends in one night, vancouver itself doesn't feel like home anymore.
if you ever need someone to talk to, give me a shout!