[jameswift]

I don't have kids but I'm old and been tied down before (married / living with the person etc)

Every relationship is totally different and as time goes on it changes as well.

I was in a 3 year relationship that took forever to get anything going. Like 5 months. Girl was like no no no no no no I don't care. A year later, she was talking about 2 times a day as the perfect balance. Once in the morning once at night. We were both 20 at the time and broke it off at 22. I think the average was 8 times a week with her.

The next gf was for a year and that was once a day but the sessions were far more involved. So like 20 times per month. When we moved in together it was just like sex all the time. We both got nothing done with work and school and it was a mess. I ended up getting out of shape because I had no energy to work out. My balls were always hurting and it wasn't good. When we broke up it was really hard to deal with because there was this sudden loss of physical attention.

The next relationship was LONG and there were periods of 3 months of no sex. In the beginning it was a 3 times a week event, maybe 4. It depended on how much we would hang out. But every hang out was with my wang out.

After we moved in, we would fight every day and want to kill each other but no make up sex. That really sucked.

So the end result? Sex is important! It's not just about spearing some girl, but it's very important to have sex often (at least a few times per week).

A great friend of mine, probably 48 or so, has sex with his wife (who's older than him and still smoking hot) 4 times per week even if he doesn't feel like it. He says you have to make a choice in your mind and with your partner "Do you want to stay together?" If the answer is yes then you have to be close with one another. Of course, women need affection in other ways such as hugs and kisses and thoughtful comments etc etc. It's all about NOT falling out of that initial dating phase and YES, it is work but it's worth it.

You both have to make a choice. Often one person's sex drive is going to be more than the other person's that's a given. There needs to be some kind of an understanding and rules for the relationship. You may be surprised but in my relationship, I was the one that was often cutting off physical affection and it was the girl who was pissed off at me.

If you're not doing it, you're on a bad road.

Often for men that are very career focused, they can have issues wanting to do anything physical. Work stress, money stress, you just don't have the energy to get involved. It's not a good situation to be in an I learned a lot from my lack of interest in a partner. If you love the person, you need to make an effort to do things.

Truth be told, there were many times I was not in the mood but I never finished thinking "I shouldn't have done that" Busting a huge nut or for females to bit a hole through their pillow never feels like a waste. It's the 'pre' sex that makes it difficult.