Quote:
Originally Posted by El Bastardo
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So this guy and I have been friends/coworkers for about 3 years. Over the past 3 years, we've always been there for each other, and I refused to be anything more than coworkers with him. But I guess I've always hidden my private life away from him and never told him everything about what's going on in my life (specifically, my love life).
I`ve friendzoned him for most of our relationship and frankly, I was not that appreciative towards his existence but he still stuck around and would make time to hang out with me whenever I had time.
Finally, last summer, he went to work for a different company. And then I thought hmm, maybe I can give this a try, since people always say "you should always date your best friend" because you'd know each other so well and the relationship will last.
So throughout our first little while of dating, I've always put him second to my friends, and would make lame excuses to neglect him. Until I finally settled some stuff from my past, then I was ready to committ (or at least I thought I was). I felt bad for being a bad friend.
The moment we became official, he started being absolutely mean and psycho about everything I did. He'd go ballistic over the fact that I had any guy friends, he'd get mad when my guy friends text me, when I go out with any group that had guys in it, not call/text him, or not saying things that he wants me to say in order for him to be happy.
He'd sit there and watch me cry over the stupid things he got mad at me for and not say a word about it. There was not even a tiny bit of trust in our relationship, he'd question when I tell him that I'm going out for family dinner, he'd say that I'm lying. When I'm at the gym he thinks I'm lying. He gets mad at me that other guys are texting me even though I'm not texting them back.
anyways, i've made my life as transparent as I could in hopes that this will change. It didn't, we broke up twice in one week.
After the second break up, he said to me he'll change because he hates his life without me. And that he'll never be mean/rude/insecure over small things. I asked him why he was like that, but he was not able to explain it, he just said "i don't know why i did that, i am just so sick of all these guys wanting to be more than just friends with you. Then i got mad."
anyways, he's asking me to give him a second/third chance (whatever) to show me that he's changed. Should I? Or should I just move on?
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There's also a possibility that the problems you experience might be a you thing, and not entirely a "him" thing.
1. Why did you keep him around for 3 years knowing that he dug you, and has been trying to get with you? I know no girl is ever going to admit to it, but it's been discussed before that "some girls" like to keep suitors around because it makes their image look good that they have active pursuitors.
2. As per bolded, you did kinda treat him like shit while you were dating. It could explain why he may have some insecurities about the relationship.
3. You have every right to enter a relationship or not. However, when you do enter a relationship, you have to be considerate with your social life towards the 2nd party in that relationship; There will always be a certain sacrifice to your social life; some new boundaries you never had before that you will have to respect (and I'm not just strictly talking about sex).
I mean, how many "guy friends" do you keep around within arms length? What kind of "guy friends" are they? Were they similar to your boyfriend whom you just kept as "friends" for X amount of years yet they inwardly want to get in your pants?
I hate to give you your fair share of criticism, but I think you might be half responsible for the grief you experience... and if true, perhaps to an extent, girls of that model are the reason why the BF (and many other guys like him) are the difficult and insecure men that they are.
Maybe unless you're ready for the sacrifices and compromises that is necessary for any good and healthy relationship, maybe you're not just relationship material yet.