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Originally Posted by Noir
No. No. No. No. No. <snip>.
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I totally get what you are saying and agree with you.
I do think though, that a person can come in with their own insecurity that is independent of the other person in the relationship. They are just wired that way. A lot of things can cause it, mostly family issues, low self-esteem, whatever.
I find in this case a lot can be said for the way she treated him prior to the beginning of the relationship. There was a friendship there, and he was a third wheel to her life. The "we're together" relationship may have a specific start date, but the "whole" relationship started with the friendship. You can't just leave that at the door because now you are bumping uglies. So he's coming into the relationship with baggage from their own friendship.
Why suddenly is he expected to be part of this great relationship when he was a second choice in friendship?
I agree with noir that there is way more to this story than just an insecure boyfriend. And I disagree because I also don't think that one person has to be wrong for the other to be right. This isn't a victory. Sometimes people just don't click.
I would start asking some questions about whether there are indicators in the friendship period where he would feel that there are other guys or a reason to be jealous. If there honestly isn't, then maybe you don't click...he may just be that type but...
when you say this:
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I`ve friendzoned him for most of our relationship and frankly, I was not that appreciative towards his existence but he still stuck around and would make time to hang out with me whenever I had time.
Finally, last summer, he went to work for a different company. And then I thought hmm, maybe I can give this a try, since people always say "you should always date your best friend" because you'd know each other so well and the relationship will last.
So throughout our first little while of dating, I've always put him second to my friends, and would make lame excuses to neglect him. Until I finally settled some stuff from my past, then I was ready to committ (or at least I thought I was). I felt bad for being a bad friend.
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I kept him out of my life(your choice ps) not that
appreciative to his existance(harsh words) finally start dating him and still
neglect him and treat him with less respect to your friends until
YOU settle some stuff and
YOU are ready to commit until you finally felt bad and after all that...
He's a meanie.
Well no fucking way. I thought after that he'd worship the ground
YOU walk on.