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Ri2 · 05-25-2012, 06:47 PM

Everybody has a past and I don't believe that we should let it define our future. I know people who have cheated (family and friends) and it was more to do with their personal issues and that specific individual relationship. I don't condone cheating in any way, but I do believe that if someone is considering cheating (or have already done it) that there is something going on with them as an individual and/or the relationship as a whole.

On a personal level, when I was 16, I cheated on my boyfriend of 6 months with my exbf (who I had been dating 2 years prior). I was young and that was a bad decision on my part. However, the relationship did end by me finding out that he also cheated on me and wanted to pursue a relationship with the other girl. That's just karma and even though I hated him, I accepted it. We had beef for a long time despite my acceptance (insert bitterness and entitlement on my part here). We talked shit out in 2009/2010 and we are now friends. I have not cheated on anybody since then nor do I ever plan to in the future. I am an adult and I took responsibility for my misjudgments in my past relationships, forgave his and moved on.

I think for any of us to judge another person based on their relationship with someone else is unnecessary and immature. Honestly, are we all saints? Are we expected to have perfect relationships from the minute we start dating to the day we die? Isn't there something that you've ever done in a relationship that you look back on now and are like "damn..maybe that wasn't such a good idea.." Maybe not physical or emotional cheating but even something like leading someone on, making someone pay for anothers' mistakes, etc. etc.
We are nobody to look down our noses at other people. Not for anything. That's just something that I believe in professionally and personally.

As for trust in a relationship, I believe it can be built back. If it was true that it couldn't, my parents would have been divorced a LONG time ago (coming up on 31+ years). The same with abuse and the like. While it's not likely that people who abuse others will change, there are the exceptions. My parents got married after 5 months of dating. My dad had a temper but so did my mom so they equally initiated physical fighting. The biggest thing here is forgiveness, my parents have had a long fucking journey together and in the end, they really realized that while they were both intense.. they're crazy about each other. They changed and have totally been like lovesick teenagers the past few years (now they are 50+ y/o).

Speaking of violent pasts, in my beginning dating days, I was also really violent.. as in cops would come and file a domestic disturbance violent. I had a temper and I wasn't afraid to knock someone the fuck out, didn't matter to me that I was 5'0 at the time and boyfriend was 5'11 almost 200 lbs. I haven't laid a hand on anybody since those days, and that's something that I'm extremely proud of. My temper has always been something that I battled with growing up (just too many feels, ya know?).
Like sure, I still have urges to clock someone out every now and again if they're really idiotic and I wouldn't be afraid in the slightest if they came at me, but I'm too old for that kinda shit. Plus, my patience has grown over the years as have my associating beliefs. People who hear about my past never believe me, because I'm such a different person now.

Life happens, people make mistakes, recognize they fucked up and change. Sometimes they don't. You'll never know until you give them the benefit of the doubt to begin with.

05-25-2012, 06:47 PM	#7
Ri2 Willing to stick a finger in a guys butt for the sake of science Join Date: Feb 2012 Location: The Hood Posts: 357 Thanked 253 Times in 103 Posts Failed 4 Times in 4 Posts	Everybody has a past and I don't believe that we should let it define our future. I know people who have cheated (family and friends) and it was more to do with their personal issues and that specific individual relationship. I don't condone cheating in any way, but I do believe that if someone is considering cheating (or have already done it) that there is something going on with them as an individual and/or the relationship as a whole. On a personal level, when I was 16, I cheated on my boyfriend of 6 months with my exbf (who I had been dating 2 years prior). I was young and that was a bad decision on my part. However, the relationship did end by me finding out that he also cheated on me and wanted to pursue a relationship with the other girl. That's just karma and even though I hated him, I accepted it. We had beef for a long time despite my acceptance (insert bitterness and entitlement on my part here). We talked shit out in 2009/2010 and we are now friends. I have not cheated on anybody since then nor do I ever plan to in the future. I am an adult and I took responsibility for my misjudgments in my past relationships, forgave his and moved on. I think for any of us to judge another person based on their relationship with someone else is unnecessary and immature. Honestly, are we all saints? Are we expected to have perfect relationships from the minute we start dating to the day we die? Isn't there something that you've ever done in a relationship that you look back on now and are like "damn..maybe that wasn't such a good idea.." Maybe not physical or emotional cheating but even something like leading someone on, making someone pay for anothers' mistakes, etc. etc. We are nobody to look down our noses at other people. Not for anything. That's just something that I believe in professionally and personally. As for trust in a relationship, I believe it can be built back. If it was true that it couldn't, my parents would have been divorced a LONG time ago (coming up on 31+ years). The same with abuse and the like. While it's not likely that people who abuse others will change, there are the exceptions. My parents got married after 5 months of dating. My dad had a temper but so did my mom so they equally initiated physical fighting. The biggest thing here is forgiveness, my parents have had a long fucking journey together and in the end, they really realized that while they were both intense.. they're crazy about each other. They changed and have totally been like lovesick teenagers the past few years (now they are 50+ y/o). Speaking of violent pasts, in my beginning dating days, I was also really violent.. as in cops would come and file a domestic disturbance violent. I had a temper and I wasn't afraid to knock someone the fuck out, didn't matter to me that I was 5'0 at the time and boyfriend was 5'11 almost 200 lbs. I haven't laid a hand on anybody since those days, and that's something that I'm extremely proud of. My temper has always been something that I battled with growing up (just too many feels, ya know?). Like sure, I still have urges to clock someone out every now and again if they're really idiotic and I wouldn't be afraid in the slightest if they came at me, but I'm too old for that kinda shit. Plus, my patience has grown over the years as have my associating beliefs. People who hear about my past never believe me, because I'm such a different person now. Life happens, people make mistakes, recognize they fucked up and change. Sometimes they don't. You'll never know until you give them the benefit of the doubt to begin with.