Quote:
Originally Posted by Gridlock
Can you help out in what general area this pertains to?
job? maybe medical/chemical imbalance? I'm going to put this out there just purely based on how you worded it, but body issues?
I know, that's kind of taking it personal, so I'm just going to talk in generalities anyway.
Job/Life:
If something here is causing issues, then at least its one of those things that the passage of time can sometimes solve. Yeah, we try to leave work at work, but I know for one, I can't. She's maybe in a position where she can't 'deal' with the work thing directly(boss issues are good for this) and its lashing out at home. My boss is a prick, but I can't say shit, but my god! if I have to make dinner one more time I'm having your head.
The best thing to do in this case is let it ride out.
Medical:
This one is tough, because neither time nor love is gonna do it. If its an imbalance then you can certainly help through support, but SHE needs to take charge of her health. Not saying she has to go the drug route, but lashing out at home isn't the option.
Body:
Just purely based on how you worded it, this popped in my head. If this is making her unhappy, then once again, its her that needs to take charge and you can support it
Oh, and you could be the issue.
I know, we're guys, and we are sometimes oblivious to this stuff, but have you done something that you don't think might be the issue, but a woman might?
I prefer the tough love approach. You try to support and love but occasionally you need to sometimes say, "I can't do this anymore". It's a bummer to walk on eggshells at home all the time.
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It may be a medical thing (chemical imbalance) she has brought that up before. I dont know what to do if it is other than offer my support and help for her to seek help with that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gridlock
How old is your kid?
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4
Quote:
Originally Posted by dinosaur
Well, the good thing is...you guys are talking about it and appear to have good communication. Another good thing is that she is clearly aware of what is going on, how irritable she has been, and she has appeared to own her role in the arguments.
Her problem is....she doesn't know what her problem is. She is irritated by something which causes her to have irrational responses to the smallest things. You respond to these irrational responses the same way and it ends up being a pointless argument about who is going to cook the fucking dinner.
How is her work (or school)? Friends? Family? Is she happy about her choices in life? Is she questioning what she is doing? Is she stressed about money? What she has? What she doesn't have? Does she have a little depression? Maybe anxiety? A lot of people in their late 20s have a sort of "mid-life" crisis. Who am I? What am I doing? etc.
She is constantly running at an 8, mood-wise (1 is sleeping....10 is breathing fire). When you are forever at an 8, closing the door to loud will set her over the edge.
She (and you) need to figure out what is going on. If she can not put her finger on it, maybe it is best to talk to a professional...lots of us have done it, and it helps! Maybe look at some stress management activities, like yoga? Meditation? Even running or boxing.
The best thing you have done is make a commitment to her and have realized this is NOT who she really is. Kudos to you, dude.
Things will get better, but she is going to need to work on a little self-improvement....and it may not hurt for you to work on some too. It will most likely bring you guy closer  |
Thanks button does not say it enough here.
This is us summed up in a nut shell.
She does not have a lot of good friends (especially girl friends) that she is close with. Her family is very limited, only have one close relative that she feels distant from. She has stress about money (I think we all do in Vancouver). We both see things we dont have but want, and I work my ass off to try and give us those things.
She always tells me I'm the most amazing boyfriend and no one has ever treated her so well and loved her despite the way things are. To me it does not feel like enough is being given from me, I want to be able to make her happy again. To be the source of her joy in this life (one of, not the only source) but its hard to feel like I am helpless to this.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gridlock
Well, she has a young child that probably drives her nuts all day(in that, I love you kid but omg I'm going insane way) probably affecting her body issues, possible hormonal issues depending on the age of the child and when daddy gets home she wants to fire the kid at him and make him take over.
Introducing the fact they have a child really changes everything.
She may not want to hear that she's not in the best of moods, she probably wants a nap.
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There are days like this but it is hard for me as I leave for work very early and am generally not home till her bed time. So I don't get a lot of time with her aside from weekends. She does need a break and I try my best to give her that but sometimes I feel like I can not balance it all well enough.
I work so we can live comfortably, but that makes it hard to live because I work. Its hard to find the balance that is needed.
Quote:
Originally Posted by dinosaur
I do not recommend the this approach. If you are not planning on ending the relationship.....NEVER say, "I can't do this anymore".
Also, 'tough love' hurts. She is hurting enough right now. Do not add another stress to her life at the moment. If she doesn't feel like she is living up to expectations, wait until she doesn't think she is living up to YOUR expectations.
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She does not think she is living up to my expectations of her. That is one thing that really makes her upset. I tell her its ok, we are not perfect. Sometimes we need time to figure things out or just have our own internal demons that wont allow us to be who we need to be at that moment. She know that her being like this effect me greatly and that she hates feeling like this. She hates knowing that she is hurting me.
Some days she is amazing, nothing is the matter.....others the world may as well have ended. On the bad days she feels distant and wants nothing to do with me, the good days its all love and rainbows (in a good way)
I just want to make her happy and live our lives together. There will always be struggles for us but I want to work together to solve them, not push her way to take care of it and pick back up when things feel better. How do I do that?