[j3welz]

Originally Posted by Grim

Not to thread jack, but the OP's story is identical to mine.

I've been with this girl for 2.5 yrs.
We shared laughs and sadness throughout the years. The first yr was the greatest, i still remember every moment of it. From the first day we met, and from the first time I told her "i want to grow old with you" eye to eye.
The past 1.5yrs it was a struggle, and i felt that our prime time was over. I somewhat for saw that this day would come but I just didn't know when. It was like a time bomb ready to explode.
As for me, I take shit. I literally eat shit... I take all the shit and just sweep it under the rug. Unfortunately I guess the rug finally got too full and when someone eventually stepped on the dust collected for 1.5yrs, its all coming back out.
Im dropping off all her stuff back to her place tonight, and I don't know if I should discuss or just drop and go.
Yesterday I took a day off work for once.. its been too long since i had a day off. It was all quiet and i finally had time to think to myself. I kept asking, maybe it's me... Maybe it's because I was no longer the romantic guy I use to be; always stay at home, trying to save money, never really going out...
I know she wants to go out from time to time, but my work schedule is literally mon-sat; and since its my family business and im the only son, i feel obligated to take some baggage off my fathers shoulders. He is getting old, and i need to grow up. So the past year or so i focused my work strictly on work and I had explained that. Thought she understood.
She did, she would whine from time to time, thats about it.
So i concluded it was mainly my fault for losing her, for not being there, for not giving her the attention she wants. I gave her what she wanted, but I wasnt able to give her what she needed.

For some reason today I woke up, cleared and out of my sobbing. The little voice inside of me told me to check our phone statement. Her phone is under my name, and so i did.
Unfortunately i found and saw things I completely did not want to see.

for the past 2 months on, shes been calling this person constantly... the phone time ranges from 5-10mins, 15-25mins, sometimes even 60-90 mins. Everyday.
I highlighted the times she called me in green, compare to that number in blue.
sadly, the 4 page long statement was mostly cover in blue...

I confessed her this morning asking who that number was.. she told me it was a close friends number who is having marriage problems with HER husband.
However, i lost will and called that number.
I asked for that girls name * lets pretend its Jane*
I asked for Jane, and the guy sounded confused and said wrong number.

Right then and there, my heart shattered like a mirror dropped from a 10 foot ceiling.
Its broken, and left in pieces.

Luckily i read over this thread, and a fellow RS'er gave an example, " just leave the broken pieces and walk away "
Tonight as i try to man up, and not show any weakest. I know im going to just drop it off, clear out the phone thing and pack my things and go.

Sorry for thread jacking, but i really needed to let it out.

It does sound like she's a unsure of the breakup and that the logical part of her brain is telling her to break up with you, perhaps for making her feel too inadequate due to your work schedule and some other practical reasons such as the parents thing.

Unfortunately for you, in these situations you don't want to backpedal, which you seem to have already done so. The problem here is built in a paradox. Guys always fuck up in this situation because they try and recover rapport TOO QUICKLY. It only breaks attraction which makes it EASIER for her to rationalize the break up.

If you apologize a thousand times and tell her you “didn’t know what you had till you lost it,” you give her too much hand. For a girl, a break-up is infinitely easier to deal with if she has self-affirmation. She WANTS you to miss her, to be broken, to feel like you can’t live without her. It will bother her if you’re confidently moving on with your life. And if you GIVE her that pleasure of knowing you have been broken, she will be satisfied and it will be unnecessary to come back to you

Whoever retains the power position in a break up (whoever cares LESS) will ALWAYS find it easier to deal with the break up.

If you want her back, try giving her 3 to 6 weeks to miss you, use jealousy, and then BLAM; meet up with her randomly one day and hit her with “you’re stupid, I always loved you,” and then walk away for another week. This type of intense vacillation between dubious pretenses + ultra love is the type of roller coaster she needs to go through. And beneath it all must be the looming threat that you’re moving further and further from her grip. The FEAR OF LOSS MUST BE THERE, OR THERE WILL BE NOTHING TO DRIVE YOU BACK TOGETHER.