REVscene Automotive Forum - View Single Post - [Confidential] What can I do to salvage my relationship with her?

dinosaur · 07-04-2012, 09:13 AM

Alright, lets start at the beginning!

Problem #1:

You have been exclusively dating her for 3 years but only see each other for about 2 months every year. That means that out of the 36 months you guys have been together, you have physically only been in her presence only 6 of them. Even though you both rarely see each other, you still manage to bicker and fight. Somehow, that does not seem possible if you have not had physical contact with each for the last 30 out of 36 months.

What do you guys fight about? How do they get 'really bad'? The only thing you guys should be fighting with seeing each other 6/36 months is who misses each other more.

Problem #2:

She is too controlled by her mother. You may not blame her for this...but ya should. She is 21. If she did not want to deal with her mother being a cunt, she wouldn't have to. Yes, I know that everyone will say, "oh, but she has no choice...its a different culture...she has nowhere to go....blah blah blah". I dig all of that. But here is what she needs to do to remove herself from her mother's control: Pack a bag and move the fuck out.

Does this mean she will have to drop out of school? Yes.
Does this mean she may have to get a job she doesn't want? Yes.
Does this mean she may be financially, emotionally, physically, etc. cut off from her family? Yes.

But ya know what? She won't be controlled by her mother anymore. She has a choice. All this check for her virginity, sending her to another country, not approving of you , etc bullshit is just that-bullshit!

And when does it end? When she is 23? 25? When will you be good enough? Will she ever approve? If she is never going to approve of you and has that much control over her daughter, what makes you think that your relationship will ever be able to move forward? It ain't going to happen bro. This will forever be an issue b/w you two. Even is shit were to work out and you get back together (which I do not recommend), this mother thing will never go away. Want to get married? too bad, mom says no. Want kids? too bad, mom says no. And, you will not be able to convince her to stand up to her mom. She is going to have to make that decision for herself. If she does it for you, you will be forever in debt to her..."take out the trash, i told my mom to fuck off for you!"...."buy be a new purse, i told my mom to fuck off for you!". I think you get the point.

Problem #3:

You are having a problem accepting the break-up or wanting to accept the break-up because, 1. it was not done in person; 2. you think it isn't her, but her mother; 3. she was crying; 4. you don't want to accept that this relationship was not all that great.

Right not you are romanticizing the the relationship and make it something that it wasn't. It does not appear to be a positive, mature, constructive relationship built on a solid foundation. This, IMO, is not the type of relationship a 24 yo guy should be having right now. You need to find out who you are. Find out what you like. Date someone who lives in the same damn city! You don't even know what it is like to juggle a gf who lives within 30 mins of your house!

You both started dating each other when you were children....this point has been proven by the type of issue/problems you guys have. You are 24....you are an adult. Fighting over what country her mom is going to send her to get away from you....and having her virginity test is shit that should never come up at 24.

She did you a favour by breaking up. You may hurt now, but its a fucking gift. Be sad, mourn the relationship, talk to your friends about it, shed a few tears....and then pick yourself up and move the fuck on.

Also, don't go to China. Do something else with that ticket.

07-04-2012, 09:13 AM	#5
dinosaur Banned By Establishment Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: bedroom Posts: 3,112 Thanked 3,492 Times in 1,176 Posts Failed 441 Times in 145 Posts	Alright, lets start at the beginning! Problem #1: You have been exclusively dating her for 3 years but only see each other for about 2 months every year. That means that out of the 36 months you guys have been together, you have physically only been in her presence only 6 of them. Even though you both rarely see each other, you still manage to bicker and fight. Somehow, that does not seem possible if you have not had physical contact with each for the last 30 out of 36 months. What do you guys fight about? How do they get 'really bad'? The only thing you guys should be fighting with seeing each other 6/36 months is who misses each other more. Problem #2: She is too controlled by her mother. You may not blame her for this...but ya should. She is 21. If she did not want to deal with her mother being a cunt, she wouldn't have to. Yes, I know that everyone will say, "oh, but she has no choice...its a different culture...she has nowhere to go....blah blah blah". I dig all of that. But here is what she needs to do to remove herself from her mother's control: Pack a bag and move the fuck out. Does this mean she will have to drop out of school? Yes. Does this mean she may have to get a job she doesn't want? Yes. Does this mean she may be financially, emotionally, physically, etc. cut off from her family? Yes. But ya know what? She won't be controlled by her mother anymore. She has a choice. All this check for her virginity, sending her to another country, not approving of you , etc bullshit is just that-bullshit! And when does it end? When she is 23? 25? When will you be good enough? Will she ever approve? If she is never going to approve of you and has that much control over her daughter, what makes you think that your relationship will ever be able to move forward? It ain't going to happen bro. This will forever be an issue b/w you two. Even is shit were to work out and you get back together (which I do not recommend), this mother thing will never go away. Want to get married? too bad, mom says no. Want kids? too bad, mom says no. And, you will not be able to convince her to stand up to her mom. She is going to have to make that decision for herself. If she does it for you, you will be forever in debt to her..."take out the trash, i told my mom to fuck off for you!"...."buy be a new purse, i told my mom to fuck off for you!". I think you get the point. Problem #3: You are having a problem accepting the break-up or wanting to accept the break-up because, 1. it was not done in person; 2. you think it isn't her, but her mother; 3. she was crying; 4. you don't want to accept that this relationship was not all that great. Right not you are romanticizing the the relationship and make it something that it wasn't. It does not appear to be a positive, mature, constructive relationship built on a solid foundation. This, IMO, is not the type of relationship a 24 yo guy should be having right now. You need to find out who you are. Find out what you like. Date someone who lives in the same damn city! You don't even know what it is like to juggle a gf who lives within 30 mins of your house! You both started dating each other when you were children....this point has been proven by the type of issue/problems you guys have. You are 24....you are an adult. Fighting over what country her mom is going to send her to get away from you....and having her virginity test is shit that should never come up at 24. She did you a favour by breaking up. You may hurt now, but its a fucking gift. Be sad, mourn the relationship, talk to your friends about it, shed a few tears....and then pick yourself up and move the fuck on. Also, don't go to China. Do something else with that ticket.