[El Bastardo]

The following is a reply from the anonymous member

Originally Posted by Mr.HappySilp

Let it go dude. There is always more fish in the pond. Not a lot of LD will work out.

She might be 21 but remember she is in China which means her parents have complete control over her financially (does she use her mom's money, live with them, drive parent's car?) You see if her parents cut her off finanically she have nothing.

I have known and get to know a few girls from China and from my experience the first things their parents always wanted to know is 1. If the guy rich 2. Does he own a house 3 does he have his business. To their parents Money is number 1 is dating. If you have no money you ain't dating my daughter. I am sorry but a lot people (not trying to be rasics but is true Chinese people tend to think money = true love and happy.).

Your ex most likely got pressure by her parents to end the relationship. Happen to me. You just have to leanr some ppl just think like that. Even if she is online it doens't matter at this point. Is over for good just face reality.

I know a lot of LD doesn't work. I just thought it was different for us, maybe I was a bit naive in thinking that. We've endured 2 and almost 3 years of LD and the light is starting to show at the end of the tunnel since we're both graduating soon. You are bang on with the culture they have over there. Since shes still in school, she relies on her mom and I guess dad too. Unfortunately, I'd have to agree too, money talks. She kept telling me before that money doesn't matter and if she wanted money, she'd be with someone else and that shes with me now when I have no money and hope I don't leave her when I start making a lot of money. Shes always scared of me leaving her once I get rich.

And yeah, all the pressure comes from her mom. Her dad doesn't really talk with her and lives somewhere else. Her mom tells her lies and makes her cry randomly if she sees shes I'm making her daughter really happy. How fucked up is that?

Thx!

Originally Posted by Gridlock

Sorry to say this, but dude you're done.

look at the relevant facts:

1. long distance-for years no less. A tough battle for anyone.
2. Momma-she may be into you, but as said above, she's more into the way that money is replenished in her wallet. That's not being a golddigger, that's being practical.
3. She may be 21, but she sounds young. Lying about an app on her phone? Bah-drama.

Find yourself a girl that you can see in person on a regular basis.

I was hoping their was a way but it seemed like the consensus is it's over. I really hate it but I have no choice. She's 21 but she's extremely sheltered. Her mom goes with her everywhere and shes had one very short bf before me. Their was a lot of firsts for her when we started dating.

I will try! It's much easier said than done!

Thx!

Originally Posted by Presto

LD relationships are tough, and 3 years is a long time to hold onto one. I could see either side getting impatient, and envious of their peers, and their local relationships. Were there plans to stop being LD, and establish a normal relationship? Anyways, this is done. I hope you both find someone closer for your next relationship.

LD sucks, big time. 3 years is a long time, I thought it was working, everyone was asking how are we and how they're surprised at us doing LD since most LD relationships break up. We called each other everyday and talk for hours and hours. Even after 2+ years, we still do, just to keep up to date with each others lives and activities. Although, theirs a lot of doubters since I'm gonna guess 9/10 LD relationships don't work.

As much as I hate to admit it, I think it is done as well. Thanks, I really hope I do find one closer to me.

Originally Posted by dinosaur

Alright, lets start at the beginning!

Problem #1:

You have been exclusively dating her for 3 years but only see each other for about 2 months every year. That means that out of the 36 months you guys have been together, you have physically only been in her presence only 6 of them. Even though you both rarely see each other, you still manage to bicker and fight. Somehow, that does not seem possible if you have not had physical contact with each for the last 30 out of 36 months.

What do you guys fight about? How do they get 'really bad'? The only thing you guys should be fighting with seeing each other 6/36 months is who misses each other more.

Problem #2:

She is too controlled by her mother. You may not blame her for this...but ya should. She is 21. If she did not want to deal with her mother being a cunt, she wouldn't have to. Yes, I know that everyone will say, "oh, but she has no choice...its a different culture...she has nowhere to go....blah blah blah". I dig all of that. But here is what she needs to do to remove herself from her mother's control: Pack a bag and move the fuck out.

Does this mean she will have to drop out of school? Yes.
Does this mean she may have to get a job she doesn't want? Yes.
Does this mean she may be financially, emotionally, physically, etc. cut off from her family? Yes.

But ya know what? She won't be controlled by her mother anymore. She has a choice. All this check for her virginity, sending her to another country, not approving of you , etc bullshit is just that-bullshit!

And when does it end? When she is 23? 25? When will you be good enough? Will she ever approve? If she is never going to approve of you and has that much control over her daughter, what makes you think that your relationship will ever be able to move forward? It ain't going to happen bro. This will forever be an issue b/w you two. Even is shit were to work out and you get back together (which I do not recommend), this mother thing will never go away. Want to get married? too bad, mom says no. Want kids? too bad, mom says no. And, you will not be able to convince her to stand up to her mom. She is going to have to make that decision for herself. If she does it for you, you will be forever in debt to her..."take out the trash, i told my mom to fuck off for you!"...."buy be a new purse, i told my mom to fuck off for you!". I think you get the point.

Problem #3:

You are having a problem accepting the break-up or wanting to accept the break-up because, 1. it was not done in person; 2. you think it isn't her, but her mother; 3. she was crying; 4. you don't want to accept that this relationship was not all that great.

Right not you are romanticizing the the relationship and make it something that it wasn't. It does not appear to be a positive, mature, constructive relationship built on a solid foundation. This, IMO, is not the type of relationship a 24 yo guy should be having right now. You need to find out who you are. Find out what you like. Date someone who lives in the same damn city! You don't even know what it is like to juggle a gf who lives within 30 mins of your house!

You both started dating each other when you were children....this point has been proven by the type of issue/problems you guys have. You are 24....you are an adult. Fighting over what country her mom is going to send her to get away from you....and having her virginity test is shit that should never come up at 24.

She did you a favour by breaking up. You may hurt now, but its a fucking gift. Be sad, mourn the relationship, talk to your friends about it, shed a few tears....and then pick yourself up and move the fuck on.

Also, don't go to China. Do something else with that ticket.