[dinosaur]

What to expect when losing your virginity (female perspective):

So…RS is clearly about 98% male and many have post here with problems with their gfs or girls they like or girls they want to have sex with. Many of you are around the age where you start losing your virginity so, as one of the few females on RS, I’d thought I would share some insight on having sex for the first time in hopes to give you dudes some insight (in no particular order) which could help make the experience less weird and awkward. It should also be noted that this is coming from a pre-martial sex perspective.

The Talk

So…you have decided to give lady virginity the heave-ho! You picked your lady, bought the condoms, booked the night off work, and you are ready to de-flower your maiden! But…wait for a second…have you guys talked about it yet?

I’m not talking about, “hey, wanna fuck?” I’m talking like, “are you ready to fuck”.

What does ‘ready’ mean? Is it your age? How long you have been dating? Are you exclusive? Are you just dating? Plans to get married? You are in love? Tired being a virgin? All your friends are having sex? Etc…

In reality, it doesn’t really matter…you still need the talk. You may not want to talk about it, but she might. Talk about expectations, feelings about the whole situation, what are you comfortable with…what is she comfortable with, etc. Don’t plan big moves (ie. Doggy style, reverse cow-girl, anal, etc…you are not there yet). Keeping open communication is the key, I can not stress that enough. She needs to feel comfortable enough to tell you if it hurts or if she wants it to stop. If you plan the night and either you or she have second thoughts, it needs to be okay to express it without judgement.

What is your form of birth control? The easiest to use is condoms. However, her being on the pill and you using a condom is your safest bet. Condoms can break and/or come off and the girl can forget to take the pill….let’s hope that that never happens at the same time. And yes, you can get pregnant the first time (watch 16 & Pregnant…that shit happens so much, they have dedicated a TV show to it).

Don’t over plan, don’t hold high expectations, don’t be disappointed if it doesn’t work out the way you think it will. Make sure you are both on the same page.

Note, if you are too shy to talk about it…or too embarrassed, you may not be ready. Being comfortable with the subject is imperative as it shows maturity and confidence.

Lower Thy Expectations.

You may be sitting around one day when your buddy announces that he finally got laid. After a round of high-fives, “fuck yeahs”, and “about fucking time, man”, you ask him, “how was it”. Surrounded by a bunch of dudes, he is going to brag about how ‘kick ass’ it was, how he lasted ‘forever’, and make his chick orgasm like she never has before. This is all an exaggeration (if not, a lie (however, some guys have a problem finishing the first time, so it really can last ‘forever’). Sit down with a good friend, brothers, cousins, etc. One on one and you’ll get the real story:

-It was weird.
-It was quiet.
-It was awkward.
-There was no rhythm.
-It was over very fast.
-It didn’t feel like I thought it would and it is very different than masturbating.
-The first thought in your mind is, “that was it?”
-“Did I look okay?”
-“What do we do now?”

We all hold losing our virginity way too high on the pedestal. We act like it is the holy grail and that once it is lost, we need to wear a button to prove that we are now part of ‘the club’. Don’t get me wrong…sex is great…but great sex does not happen the first time…and if YOU think its great, I can guarantee you, she doesn’t. Don’t expect fireworks, balloons, cookies, or a parade. Go in knowing that it is going to be better. By not holding such high expectation may actually make the first time less weird and awkward. Having an understanding that sex takes practice…and discussing that with your partner is a great way to remove the barriers b/w you and her BEFORE you have sex. Be open. Be understanding. Never pressure.

Pretend To Have A Vagina

Females are different (duh!). You dudes all know this….you are told in almost every thread about sex that females need to be turned-on, oven needs to be warm, foreplay needs to happen, etc…but, I can tell you one thing: No matter how much foreplay you do…not matter how warm that oven is…losing your virginity hurts. A lot. I’m not talking about, “ouch I have a paper cut” pain….I’m talking about kicked in the balls/pain the shoots through your body/I think I need to go to the hospital-type pain. My friend told me that when she lost her virginity all she saw was red. She could barely remember the experience b/c she was in so much pain. My other friend told me it felt like her vagina was being ripped open. Its not fun.

Along with the pain, comes blood. It may be just a little…or it may be a lot. Like, A LOT….to the point where you are still bleeding the next day. As a guy, you need to be aware of and prepared for this. Maybe your first time should not be in your parent’s bed….or on new bed sheets….or on anything white. Put a towel down or an older dark coloured blanket and do not make a big deal out of it. . It can be a very embarrassing situation for a girl.

She will feel ‘weird’ down there…it may ache or be sore so, don’t go to have sex with her again until she gives you the green light. It maybe be in a couple hours…it may be in a couple weeks. After being fucked like a rabbit (b/c lets all face it, that’s how you dudes do it the first time), she will need a little ‘down-time’.

Also, it may take a couple times for you both to ACTUALLY have sex. Sometimes, you won’t fit. I know I know…give yourself a high-five and pat yourself on the back b/c your genetics have dictated that you have a big dong…..or, not. No matter how small the penis it…it still may not fit the first time. You may have to work at it and it may take a few times for her to 1.) Relax enough; 2.) Her vagina to be lubricated enough; or, 3.) Her vagina to stretch enough. Don’t be disheartened or disappointed if your “first time” is pushed back a few days or weeks.

The vagina is a tricky lil bitch that most women don’t learn to enjoy until they are in their 20s. SO, as a dude, be sympathetic….be slow….be understanding that there may be hick-ups along the way and she will be very self-conscious about them.

How To Make It The Best Possible Experience

So, how do you avoid the hick-ups discussed above?

Accept the fact that the first time having sex will suck. Even if it doesn’t TOTALLY suck, lowering the expectations can ease the situation and help your sub-conscious. Also, it may not suck for you….but it will for her. I have not met one woman who has told me that her first time was the best time of her life. It’s not. You will not fuck like a porn star, she will not orgasm, you will not be the stallion you had always imagined yourself to be, and she will not have the best time of her life. I

-Talking about it and being open will lower the awkwardness.
-Having background music with help with it being so quiet.
-Dim lights will help her feel better about her body.
-Easing in will help the pain.
-Going slowly will help have fast you shoot (and also help with pain).
-Ask her if she is okay and make her feel comfortable enough to say no.
-Relax, relax, relax. It is okay to laugh (not AT her, but with her).
-If something wrong happens (weird sound, knock teeth, bang heads), play it off…make a small joke…don’t let it ruin everything b/c it is not PERFECT.
-Talk about it after.

Also, IMO, planning an over-the-top date night is a little too much. Make it a little more casual. Renting a $500/night hotel suite littered with rose pedals after an extravagant meal is going to set you up for failure. That is far too much pressure for the first time. On the flip side, don’t fuck her during your free period in the back of your car in the school parking lot. The best thing to do is to have that talk and everything beforehand….like days or weeks. Be prepared (birth control/condoms) and let it happen naturally. The way you treat her, talk to her, hold her after, and make her feel comfortable will be what makes the event ‘special’…not how great the hotel room looks or what the dinner bill was.

What Do You Do Next?

-Talk about it! Did she like it? Did you like it? How are you feeling? How is she feeling? Discuss what you would do different or different things you would like to try.

-Is her vagina okay? Make she that area is good to go before you jump her again.

-Now that you have busted your nut inside a girl….education yourself on how to get her off. I wouldn’t focus on it TOO much the first time as the chances of getting her off is pretty slim to none. Google vagina. Look at it. Take note of where the clit is. Make friends. If she is bold enough and masturbates (and will tell you she does), get her to tell you where hers is and how she gets herself off. Flick? Rub? Vibrate? Suck? More pressure? Less pressure? Everyone is different and it will take some time.

-Discuss kink. What do you guys want to try? Positions, anal, toys, fantasies, etc…Have fun with it and never judge. If you are not cool with doing something, it is okay…make some boundaries.


I am positive others can add more and remember EVERYONE is different. Some stuff may apply and obviously other stuff may not.

Happy fucking!