Sex feels good. That's an almost universal truth. You feel a dopamine rush that corresponds with a physical sensation. This physical sensation will culminate in a climax of sexual energy that will cause both physical and mental euphoria.
This is what gives us our incentive to have sex. Well, part of it.
These are the ends by which we go through great lengths to reach at times. We date. We woo. We wow.
Like other animals in nature, we adorn ourselves with things that make us look like a more attractive mating partner. Unlike animals, we have things like push-up bras, makeup, spanx, and stupid hipster glasses.
Its all about the ends. Getting that rush at the end of the act, those precious few seconds when everything feels alright. (I'm talking to you, men. Because women know that it lasts longer for them)
After that, your body undergoes immediate changes. Your metabolism temporarily slows. Muscles relax. And the rhythmic sensations that your genitalia have been feeling, pumping towards this moment, slow down and eventually stop.
We know about the physical act of sex. We can have it any number of ways, with any number of people. But what about what gets us in the mood?
On Kink:
There is no one simple thing that turns people on. For some, its simply the IDEA of sexual activity that gets a person's engine going. For others, its dirty talk. Maybe its dressing sexy, or a little bump and grind.
But what about those other folks who have interests a little "off the beaten path"
Quote:
kink [kingk]
noun
Slang .
a.
bizarre or unconventional sexual preferences or behavior.
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I had a conversation with a friend a couple of days ago. They said to me "How can I tell my partner that vanilla sex just isn't doing it for me lately? I want to get a little wilder"
I answered "Politely"
Getting "kinky" is still a societal taboo for some. Its not surprising. It was less than 50 years ago that western society had it's "sexual revolution" and the idea of getting down went from a hush hush topic spoken of in analogies and whispers, to a ubiquitous subject that can be found on daytime television and in discussion magazines.
We're still warming up to the subject of "kinky" but by the time the 2060's roll around I can imagine that it'll be commonplace to read about getting the most out of your latex fetish suit, or which riding crop will leave you without welts in the new Cosmo.
It is a very broad subject and we couldn't possibly discuss each fetish or kinky hangup individually. The only thing we can do address our attitudes to these things. And how we bring them up with our partners.
One of the things associated with a kink or a fetish is
shame. There has been so much shame associated with sexuality that anything a little south of normal immediately elicits cringes or sneers. Shame may prevent a person from opening up their sexual experience because they're afraid to be looked upon as a "weirdo" or a freak. Yeah, it may be a little freaky. And yeah, you have to consider who you're trying that leather sex swing with because chances are that if they can barely muster the courage to let you see them naked, they won't want to be hanging from the ceiling cradled in straps of cow.
Don't put someone in an uncomfortable situation that they may not be ready for. And don't let your own hangup prevent you from opening up to your partner. Get over yourself, and give your significant other (or others) time to get over themselves.
Before engaging in, or trying to engage someone in a new sexual behavior you need to ask yourself
is it safe?
For every foot or tickling fetish, there is an asphyxiation, scat, or bloodletting fetish. Some people like to go to extremes to pop their cork and yeah, it could be fun, but it could also be dangerous. I'm not judging you, but please be aware of the risks your particular fetish contains. From accidental strangulation to a pathogenic infection transmitting from one partner to another (even if you're practicing "safe sex") you need to really think about if you want to go from spectating fetish porn to participating in an activity that could put you or another person in harm's way. Know your risks and remember, some things aren't worth it!
Your fetish is more mental than it is physical. There is something about this act that feeds a part of you deep inside. It scratches a mental itch. In some ways, its about your (or another person's) vanity. But
is it right for everyone?
Imagine this. You're with your sexual partner or significant other, and things have been fine until this point. Suddenly you approach them with your furry fetish. They're initially unsure but you're a smooth talker, right? After heading to your closet and pulling out your fursuit, ready to hand them a squirrel head to put on, they've gotten their clothes back on and have walked out the door. Don't push anyone on anything, and don't let anyone talk you into anything you're not completely comfortable with.
There is a difference between overcoming shame and just being explicit. Try to gather a little public perception about your particular hangup before you try it out with a playmate. They may be fine with you dressing up in a nightie and a horse mask, but may not want to treat you like a giant toddler.
I know that this is barely scratching the tip of the iceberg but I'm hoping that this post will inspire a little conversation. I also hope that it'll cause people to feel a little better about the unique kinks that they themselves may have. I'm certainly no authority, but between a couple of threads that I've been watching lately, and a few conversations I've had on MSN, I thought this would be a decent topic to broach in a thread like this. Sadly, I can't speak from personal experience because I'm not aroused but turnips, but I don't judge you if you are.
People with fetishes are all around you. They're the coworker who held the door for you this morning. The guy behind the counter making your lunch. The person you copied off of in high school. The neighbour you wave to occasionally. Even people here on Revscene. They're people like you and me, just with a few interests you may find... odd... but gets their engine purring. Don't judge, and don't live half a life being afraid of what could make you happy.