Not sure if I'll be able to live past a certain age...the medications over the years of my life have took a toll on me. My heart has been feeling like it's going to stop any moment and is extremely sensitive in that area. For the past few weeks I had no sleep. I watch the sun set and rise. Got a hard time breathing like 90% of the time. This comes and goes. In and out of the hospital for many many years. Doctors, specialists...etc. I think I'm just going to say fuck it and just live my final years with you beside me. I have had a couple of specialists say I may be lucky enough to live my full life but I will still have to endure my health complications. Some just say I'll be lucky if I hit 30 with all these complications. I hope I can even see my own wedding. There are reasons why I am the way I am. The family had just pushed this all aside couple years ago and I have had to endure all this myself. We may all have a dark past and mine is just horrible. I think I just have to accept the truth...I'm just fucked. I honestly was not kidding when I said you're the only reason why I'm still living. I plan too far ahead in the future I guess but I have to keep an open mind and live my life with happiness...and looking ahead to the future gives me happiness until...it hits me that I may not make it that far. F-M-L.
(Had to get this off my chest)
/endrant
You may think you have it the worse till the doctors tell you about death. Then it hits you. That is all.
Haters are gonna hate.
oxox