REVscene Automotive Forum - View Single Post - An EX that has made it their mission to ruin my life

Gridlock · 09-08-2012, 08:50 AM

Ok...correct me if I'm wrong here, but...

There are things that your ex knows that you would not want your current partner to know about. I'm assuming there was a little crossover in dating timelines between the two?

Here's what I've come up with over the years. Everyone thinks that love and hate are a linear path, with love being opposite to hate on a spectrum, and I think this is wrong. I think love and hate is on a continuous circle, with love right next to hate. And as two people start out on their journey together around that circle, and end the relationship, they find that its so easy to jump across to hate because its right there.

I've been in relationships myself. I've wronged people. I've been wronged. First, you need to acknowledge your own mistakes, and accept them. That is the only way to learn from them. And this is key, its the only way to take away their power.

And right now, they have power-over you, over your new girl and over your life. You can't write the crazy ex off as just that-a crazy ex, because the words she can say have meaning.

So what do you do? First, you need to get to a point where you acknowledge that it wasn't her that was a crazy bitch, it was both of you in a crazy relationship. You did things wrong, and so did she. You guys didn't work. You made the college try, and in the end broke up.

And here's the hard part. You need to mean it. If you were kind of dating girl#2(I'm assuming...it doesn't really matter to me) then you need to acknowledge that that was wrong.

Next, you should apologize to the ex. Hey...maybe she's bat shit insane. Maybe she's just hurt. Maybe she doesn't know how to move on. Who knows, who cares. You don't-you are past it. You aren't looking for a victory here remember, and this isn't that one last fight that you want to win. Remember, in step 1, you took ownership for your mistakes and that is ALL that you need to focus on.

And finally, you need to tell your current gf that you were in a crazy relationship and unfortunately, here are the things that are happening, and it could include you. In my past relationship, I made some mistakes-mistakes that I don't want to repeat or have as skeletons in my past.

And what happens?

First, your ex has nothing she can say that is going to accomplish what she wants to accomplish, so her words become spam. Next, you've given her the one thing that she needs, whether she knows it or not-closure. She wasn't the "bitch", and she wasn't alone. And if she feels the need to continue hounding you at that point, then that's her drama, not yours.

And finally, your new relationship is based on a new foundation of truth.

Uncomfortable conversations? Fuck yeah. Better for them? Abso-fucking-lutely.

09-08-2012, 08:50 AM	#7
Gridlock Banned By Establishment Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: New West Posts: 3,997 Thanked 2,982 Times in 1,135 Posts Failed 284 Times in 109 Posts	Ok...correct me if I'm wrong here, but... There are things that your ex knows that you would not want your current partner to know about. I'm assuming there was a little crossover in dating timelines between the two? Here's what I've come up with over the years. Everyone thinks that love and hate are a linear path, with love being opposite to hate on a spectrum, and I think this is wrong. I think love and hate is on a continuous circle, with love right next to hate. And as two people start out on their journey together around that circle, and end the relationship, they find that its so easy to jump across to hate because its right there. I've been in relationships myself. I've wronged people. I've been wronged. First, you need to acknowledge your own mistakes, and accept them. That is the only way to learn from them. And this is key, its the only way to take away their power. And right now, they have power-over you, over your new girl and over your life. You can't write the crazy ex off as just that-a crazy ex, because the words she can say have meaning. So what do you do? First, you need to get to a point where you acknowledge that it wasn't her that was a crazy bitch, it was both of you in a crazy relationship. You did things wrong, and so did she. You guys didn't work. You made the college try, and in the end broke up. And here's the hard part. You need to mean it. If you were kind of dating girl#2(I'm assuming...it doesn't really matter to me) then you need to acknowledge that that was wrong. Next, you should apologize to the ex. Hey...maybe she's bat shit insane. Maybe she's just hurt. Maybe she doesn't know how to move on. Who knows, who cares. You don't-you are past it. You aren't looking for a victory here remember, and this isn't that one last fight that you want to win. Remember, in step 1, you took ownership for your mistakes and that is ALL that you need to focus on. And finally, you need to tell your current gf that you were in a crazy relationship and unfortunately, here are the things that are happening, and it could include you. In my past relationship, I made some mistakes-mistakes that I don't want to repeat or have as skeletons in my past. And what happens? First, your ex has nothing she can say that is going to accomplish what she wants to accomplish, so her words become spam. Next, you've given her the one thing that she needs, whether she knows it or not-closure. She wasn't the "bitch", and she wasn't alone. And if she feels the need to continue hounding you at that point, then that's her drama, not yours. And finally, your new relationship is based on a new foundation of truth. Uncomfortable conversations? Fuck yeah. Better for them? Abso-fucking-lutely.