Quote:
Originally Posted by JKam
Aren't you the one talking about how you want to upgrade from the is350 to an m6? how is that a serious candidate to put a ring on? You shouldn't even think about putting a ring on someone unless you're 100% sure...  honestly I think OP has a better world view of relationships than you do..
To OP: If you're just new to the whole social scene, just go with the flow. Be yourself. Who cares if you fall for them too fast? The worst thing that can happen is that they reject you. You're going to get rejected a lot in life (not just in relationships), thats just the way it is.
If you feel the girl is someone you want to date, take a risk! That's how you learn in life. Even if it's not a date, just hang out with them and get a better idea of their personality and you can decide if it's something you want to pursue further. |
not everyone has an idealistic view on the world, to me 100% is unobtainable, my battle is if that extra 1% is worth the risk of losing my current great relationship. If your relationship is 90+% i feel its worth considering tying the knot.
I appreciate your comments on the OP having a better world view of relationships, but im no relationship EXPERT, but I would say im decent in getting into relationships and this thread is essentially relating to that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by El Bastardo
The following is a reply from the anonymous original poster
z3german: Oh I just read your thread, seems you're bored of your gf? You should reconnect with her somehow, cause that isn't healthy right? Or spend time away from her so you miss her? Idk, I'm obviously horrible at this stuff haha.. Wait, wait so what do you mean by "don't talk to her as much"?, I don't talk to her that much tbh.. Cause she's just interested in "meeting new ppl", and I guess I'm just another one of those many people she's befriended. And yeah the date thing really scares me, I have been disappointed way too much as I've stated before and I fear getting hurt again. Haha nah man, I just talked to her for an hour or two constantly but then it started to get really stale, and silent.. Wish I left earlier though to avoid it. This was yesterday, when I met her, didn't talk to her after that. What's the frequency with which I talk to girls, how often/how less? As you said "Not as much"? Lol, I can?! I'm not good with girls as you can see, or else I would be dating by now. But seriously bro, I hope shit works out for you, it always does in the end.
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Not bored with the relationship, but just seeing the grass on the other side and wondering if thats what i really want.
When i said "dont talk to her as much" what i mean is that dont try to get to know her in a day, a week, etc. Save it up, you dont want her to believe you are super interested in her because even if she is interested in you, social constructs just make her yearning for more. The goal is for her to be the one yearning for your conversation.
In university you have to see the world in her eyes. They are always getting creeped on by other guys, I dont know what uni you are in but in UBC its like this. You need to stand out, which is why I like to keep conversations short, get SOME interest, then with that small interest suggest a small, doesnt mean much, date. Doesnt mean much is more of a fib, its to not scare her off on the commitment, but in fact it does mean a lot because it becomes a basepoint for future dates up until the point you officially are together.
My GF goes to university and she always tells me the stories of guys attempts on her, some are pretty funny in which there doesnt seem to be any logic on the guys side. One time this dude bought her a Hello Kitty Swarvoski necklace out of no where. I mean if you really think about it, it is fairly simple what a girl can possibly think. Thinking about the guy, maybe he thought:
-girls like presents
-girls like jewlery
-if i give her what she likes maybe she will like me
-giving this to her will show her my apparent interest, in which she will probably respond. If its a rejection I can say that its not my intention to show my apparent interest, but it was just a gift and it was laying around the house and wanted to get rid of it. (this is what happened, and girls pick up on this idiocy. Like come on! Man up and accept what you were trying to do)
How i see girls look at the same situation:
-Way too much, we havnt even gone out on a date
-why the fuck hello kitty? are you sexist?
-why the fuck this type of gift in the first place? Sexist again? such a big blanket statement over girls.
-what does he expect by giving me this? what does he think some material shit is gonna get him blowed?
Just as an example in how guys thinking and actions can be totally off what they want the girl to see, which is why you have to be careful. I find the more you guys talk predate the more room for error can occur, not only allows more room for error, but more time for other guys to scope in on this girl. Dating is meant to learn more about the person, dont put dating on a pedestal, thinking it signifies "omg i have a gf! we wanna get married!", this view makes it insanely difficult to get dates, and has unfortunately become somewhat a norm among girls. When you ask her out for the first time make sure she understands that your intention is not like other guys (even if it is) you just want this date to be super casual, and see what happens, no commitments or anything just have some fun. Your percentage of getting dates just skyrocketted and i hope it works out for you man!