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I torture myself with the memories. Having flashbacks every day, creating my daily dose of pain. Sleep is something i forgot what was like. I close my eyes and i just remember everything in the past. Every feeling i felt. Having pain within your chest, not knowing how to cure the feelings and thoughts. Missing the past because it was better but knowing nothing can go back, you break. Shatter as if a glass dropped to the ground. You scream, you cry, you self destruct. Anything and everything around becomes a target. You become hostile. You don’t know what to do or feel. You become numb to everything. Not talking to anyone, distancing yourself from society to hear silence. The beauty is silence is that you can hear yourself scream. We endure things which make us who we are. Unable to find the escape. Crawling to get out, scratching the walls unable to break out. When you can’t escape nor deal with it you opt out. Wanting the easy way out. It looks so easy, To leave without saying, to not deal with anything anymore. Complete and utter silence. No pain, no thoughts, no worries and no more memories. Gone with a snap of a finger. This is how i am. No one will understand, no one will know what to say. Solitude is bittersweet.
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