[El Bastardo]

The following is an anonymous post. If the original poster would like to reply to any comments, please PM me

Maybe I just have to get this off my chest and tell someone so I need to do this.

I have had a fantastic relationship for the last two years with a girl I met and things have always been easy. I love spending time with her and If someone asked if I could see myself in the future marrying her I would say yes.

However, I`m starting to come to terms that I am still and have always been in love with one of my closest girlfriends. Its been about 10 years since I had this feeling in my heart that we were meant to be with each other. Throughout that time she was always in long term relationships with one or two of my friends and some others I did not really know. I never felt a major sense of urgency or jealousy to act on my feelings. There were obviously nights that I can remember going home feeling shitty as I would stare at her before I`d leave.

I even spent a couple weeks with her and some friends when I went back packing and while somewhere locked away in my feelings that I was in love I never felt the need to go for it.

We have kissed and made out a handful of times. Recently, she has been dating a lot, but has sent me some messages about how confused she is with us. She`s told my best friend that she has thought a lot about us and wants to at least try having a relationship with me.

We hung out yesterday during the day and had a great time. My girlfriends was away for New Years with her family. At our new years party she brought some guy she started dating and I realized at the end of the night that everything is starting to bottle up inside me and is tearing me apart.

Even though we have never been together, this is the girl that I want to be the mother of my children. My biggest fear is that I break up with my girlfriend, date this girl and if it does not work I know the feelings I`d have if she moved on after. I used to get this feeling in the pit of my stomach when I`d see her with other guys and if our relationship failed, I fear what it would do to me having her as not even a friend, because I don`t think I could go back to just being friends after.

I feel like I have just needed to get this off my chest, so thanks for revscene for offering this wonderful service!