Quote:
Originally Posted by BallPeenHammer2
thanks guys.
I'm just really fucking angry about it. i hate having to wake up with a hole in my heart. I hate having to force everything out of myself just to stay sane.
I hate that I sometimes revert to when I was 16 and lose my shit.
|
Been there, done that. I know exactly what you're going through.
The way I got past it is that I realized (or forced myself to realize) that I'm not really angry at her. I was angry at the situation. Specifically, I was angry because her feelings no longer paralleled mine and I was angry that she had every right to do so. She had every right to fall in love with someone else, or just plainly fall out of love with me. I wasn't really angry that she strung me along. If anything, I should be happy that she gave me a shot, a try, a test drive; That she thought I was good enough to consider having a relationship with; or wanting exclusivity.
*key word = considering
In the end, her decision was not parrallel to mine. But I realized only pussies cry about things that don't go their way. Spoiled babies who can't handle that life will not always agree with them. When I realized this, I hated her less and less but I started feeling more and more embarrassed, childish, and weak-willed.
There were times that I abused the bottle because of this. (I know it's an unhealthy advice and the textbook answer says don't do this, but for some reason, alcohol helped me a lot during this time). The reason why I resorted to the bottle is because:
1) I didn't really want my friends or people close to me see how much of a wreck I am; or me in my worst possible state. So I didn't go to them in my time of need and I self medicated.
2) I also didn't want to burden my friends with my shit, my drama. (although I do always tell my friends that I'm always there for them) It's just my personal preference that I don't want my friends to catch my grief even though I know without hesitation they've got my back.
During this time, I had a lot of self reflection, there was a lot of "coming to terms" with a lot of things. I started asking, am I inadequate? was I just careless? Did I play it wrong? Was I too serious too fast, or was I too casual? etc. I started coming to terms that I am not perfect nor this will be my last mistake. I started to accept that I could be 20, 30 or 40 and I will still have a lot to learn. I let go of my pride and the stigma that men must always be alpha and for some odd reason (and I can't explain why) but I started feeling better and better about myself when I let all of that alpha male bullshit go.
I know it sucks to feel that your feelings are at rock bottom right now but it was during this time that I had to dig deep. When I got past it, I really saw what I was made of and I came out a different person at the end of it. It completely altered me, my philosophy, my approach to life, love and friends. In retrospect, I started to appreciate this most humbling experience. I started blaming things that upset me less and less (in this case the exgf) and I started looking at myself more and more... is there anything I could've done? can I be better? is there more room to grow?
In the end, learning this approach has made me a less angry person, a little bit more humble, a bit more understanding at things I can't control, possibly a bit more patient.
Oh and btw, it's a bit of a tangent but you come out sexier in the end. Seriously, I learned that girls find humility and empathy sexier than the macho, tough guy, gangster, nobody can mess with me attitude; which is 95% of the guys in Vancouver's game
. (unless you're going for gangster girls; my shit doesn't fly well with gangster girls and is not really my niche)
So yeah. All in all, hate her less and less by hating yourself more and more. When you do that, dig deep and self reflect and possibly try to grow out of it. Seriously, there's nothing more unprogressive than a guy who thinks he's perfect, is never wrong, or is never at fault. I always pity guys who blames everyone else but them and wonder why shit never gets better for them.
Sorry for the long post