Reassigned boot drive, no change in boot. Checked every single last possible option in the UEFI and nothing looked out of place, besides the fact that my HDD is not appearing as a boot option in the list of bootable devices, though it is being recognized by my UEFI if that contributes to this slow boot issue in any way...
Perhaps I should just unplug my HDD during boot and plug it back in afterwards 
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[13-03, 11:25] MG1 when you hit the brakes, it shoots cum at pedestrian - bukkake
[12-03, 19:06] meme405 That e30 is so mexiflushed I thought we were in albuquerque
[12-03, 23:03] rb when i see a modded element. I have nothing but respect. either the parents kicked him out or the guy is killing hookers in the back
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