Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr.G
I don't know how I feel about this post, I agree for the most part and see your concerns, but I don't think that it's necessary for everyone to live with their mate before marriage. I think in life not everyone marries the person they are meant to be with, and in this case there would be need for one to live together first to understand each other more. And then their are the ones who know, sounds like OP found the one. They have a whole life together ahead of them and each part is a new journey. If they truly loved each other than I'm 100% they will be fine in the future. I honestly think that is the bottom line.. As for seeking approval from the parents, I don't know if OP is asian, but I'm going out on a limb to assume he is. Parents are single handedly the most important peoples in our lives. Lets just pretend the parents don't approve I think It's very important and find out why they don't approve because there must be a good reason in their eyes wouldn't you say? I don't know maybe I'm crazy.
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Good points.
It's hard sometimes to simply just say "Yes, lets live together before we get married and see how it goes".
It depends on a lot of factors, including, as Mr. G stated, PARENTS' opinions and cultural views.
In any case, lets put the "cultural" issue aside.
I personally thing, IMHO, that it is not an absolute must to live together before getting married.
Marriage, for most people, is a work in progress. You learn new things about your partner, and you forgive, forget, argue, debate, whatever. This is the joy of being married: you learn new things.
Lets say... they decide to live together first. Lets just hypothesize that one of them is EXTREMELY messy. Because of this trait, would the other partner then decide to cut ties? They aren't married yet, so it is easier to cut ties.
Lets say... they decide to get married first. Then, the messy trait is discovered. Now, would they divorce? Well... they shouldn't. They should work through this. It is a something married couples do all the time (improve and compromise, etc.).
My point is that, if a couple is not married, there is less room to compromise. There is an easier route: breaking up.
If a couple is married, then they try harder to work through routine things and negative traits, so breaking up is not immediately thought about first.
As long as the underlying foundation is
true love, idiosyncrasies (perfect word BTW dinosaur +1 and EXACTLY used properly in this context) and nuances between the partners always melt away. Basically, love conquers all.
But yes, money and a lot of big issues are big factors in most things, especially in marriage. They should plan, and plan ahead. This does not necessarily mean they should live together before getting married.
In any case, the point of living together first before marriage is moot.
The confidential OP is basically asking us if he should get married now, and it looks like he WANTS to do it, but unsure about the challenges and costs that lie ahead. And, the OP adamantly emphasizes the fact that they love each other completely. The way he describes it is that they are 100% in love. Small issues and personal idiosyncrasies are simply tiny paper roadblocks.