[mr_chin]

Spoiler!

Originally Posted by El Bastardo

The following is a post from an anonymous Revscene member. If the anonymous original poster would like to reply to the thread, please PM or email me your replies


I met this girl back in my party phase, about 3years and 8months ago. We met new years eve and after that night, everything changed for the better of me.
Little background about myself:
In my party state, I would live only for the weekends, and slack during the week. Work was just a choir for me, to fund my party addictions. I flunked in school, failed at work and most importantly I didn't care about my health and the ones who truly cares about me. (my perspective now.)
Although I met her at a party, she was different. Different in a way it made me realize to myself I have step up and be a better person to keep this jewel. I went back to school, worked hard at work. I took several courses at school, and due to my lack of interest in the courses i took, i failed multiple times. However, she looked passed that; and encouraged me to upgrade myself to be the best me. Her words and actions were very motivating and it pushed me to strive harder each time i fail.
Till this day I still remember the motivating words.
"I want a future with you, work hard now so we can live a comfortable life together and grow old."
I took those words and engraved it to my head, me as a whole.

Within 2 years of school, I finished with what I needed to know. Using those skills I have accumulated I slowly creep-ed my way up at work and made decent amount legitimately. She was so happy to see me hard at work, and showing that I actually care about work and others around me.

I changed,
for the better. I owe it all to her.
My parents always told me that she did change me, and if it wasnt for her; who knows what or where I'll end up in the future.

We've been together for exactly 3 years on the dot.
The first year was the best. All the motivation, the time we've shared, the moments thats forever engraved in me. Unfortunately all that slowly dwindle.
The second year we always fought about useless things and stupid things. Now, as I feel like I've matured and aged more; the useless, stupid things we've argued about was more based on me not finding the quality time with her. I was so attached to work, I didn't realize how much she needed me.
I always thought I was right, I always needed it my way, I never really understood her problems, never listened fully to her problems and instead I would throw out a suggestion to solve the issue.
I look back to myself and realize what an absolute idiot I was.
The 3rd year, we hardly saw each other. I was so attached to work and get stressed by it, I dont even try to find time with her.
It's so sad thinking about this every day, looking back how I lost the most valued person in my life.
She loves to go clubbing to dance and have fun, but I was too busy and tired with work and realizing how expensive clubbing is so I always decide not to go.
Respectfully she wont go unless I go, so she never went.
Theres so many things I can say about this situation and it all revolves around me not putting that extra effort.
What hurts most is the regret.

Its been 7-8 months now.
She's moved on, and Im still on a sailing boat with no wind in site. I burried myself with work and other useless things to keep myself from thinking.
I recently met a new girl. She is absolutely the type of girl that you know she'll treat you good.
We've been seeing each other for 1month, and I seem to be developing some feelings towards her; but im holding back due to the fact that I still think about my ex.

I've always envisioned myself to marry my ex, and start a family with her. I was hoping this new girl could erase that thought, unfortunately, no progress has been made. Lately, as things progress with the new girl, I keep thinking about my ex.
Its killing me.

I'm here to ask the community here for suggestions on what I can do to ease the stress/pain. Thanks

PS: for those who are experiencing similar situation, my word to you is to find that extra time, whether its an hour, 30m or even 10m. its the little things that counts.

First and foremost, do not use this new girl as an object to get over your ex (which seems like you already are). I think this problem here is much more important and you need establish that personally. If it's truly the case, then it is only fair that you let this girl know that you're in the stage of getting over your ex (but many would not recommend you do this obviously).

Secondly, to get over someone you once loved is not easy. First thing to start with is obviously get rid of things like gifts, pictures, letters, etc. that reminds you of her. At the same time, avoid places where you've two shared the most memories.

You have to be on constant reality check, and I can't stress that enough. What's happening here is your mind is not in its conscious state whenever you think about your ex. You have to snap out of your daydreaming and remind yourself that now is reality. Keep yourself busy and keep yourself from going back into daydreaming.

Every time you're with your new girl and every time you look at her, remind yourself how wonderful you are now that you've found someone that will share a future and many memories with you. Dwelling on the past only leave you in depression and worst comes to worst, you might even lose this new girl.

Last but not least, do not blame yourself that the relationship with your ex didn't work out, it's nobody's fault. Only thing you can blame is time, the timing was off. At the same time, you were probably going into a mid life crisis where you have to worry about your career/future and education. A lot of people get through this without losing anybody/anything but it's not easy. Everything was planned all along, and no matter what you could've/should've/would've done, the outcome is still the same. It is because of this downfall, you possess better traits on caring in a relationship, you have the opportunity to start new with this girl and try to perfect the imperfection between you two. Take it as a blessing.

Good luck my friend.