At my job we use Microsoft Office Communicator, a MS Exchange-based chat program called "Lync" which is notoriously unreliable (at least here it is) so a lot of us have a Tillian account as a backup. Well, I was sitting here working away when I get a chat request from a girl named "vannessa808". I usually tell those people fuck themselves right away but I was waiting for a script to complete before I could proceed with what I was doing at work so I decided to chat a little bit. Heres what happened next.
vannessa: hello dear
are u there?
me: i'm pretty sure you're not misa campo
vannessa: why do u ask
Me: thats her in the picture
vannessa: where do u know her?
Me: so whats the hustle here? you're gonna get me to sign up to a cam site? you're going to get me to western union you some cash? you want me to click on some affiliate link?
i just want to know what the game is today.
vannessa: then show ur pic
Me: i'll make you a deal. you tell me what the hustle is and i will help you improve it. as someone who you're trying to hustle and isn't buying it. i want to help you help yourself
vannessa: WAT DO U MEAN BY ALL THAT
Me: ok so you're trying to get me to send some money to west africa or something. thats fine. heres how you hook the next chump because its not gonna work on me
find a pic that isn't an obvious model shot. just search on facebook for some pretty girl whos so in love with herself that she takes a million public pictures. pull something off instagram if you have to.
then you need to pick a better name. something with a number in it, like a date. vanessa.95. that way folks look at that and say "Oh man, thats 18 years ago. this chick must be 18 and ready to party"
next, improve the english skills. i get that its not your first language but consult with someone about cleaning up your grammar. you only need to know a few key phrases in order to rope some chump into sending you cash. put them in a text file and just copy and paste them into the chat window
and don't be afraid to flirt right from the start. get some lonely idiot on the line right away.
and this is most important:
have a good reason for adding some random guy to your messenger list. i'm just some guy at work right now so i have no idea why you added me. it put me on guard right away. not a great way to milk money out of me
don't say "i saw your profile and thought you were cute lol" because everyone knows that line
i want to see you succeed here. i want you to scam some dumb horny jerk out of money. thats why i'm trying to help you.
vannessa: HAHAHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Me: i get that its hard living in a third world country. you've got the constant risk of aids and war and all that
but thats no reason to be lazy when you're trying to scam some moron. you need to keep your game tight, son
vannessa: WHY NOT SHOW YOUR FACE
I CAN SEE U ARE A COWARD
Me: aw come on man, lets drop that
you know that ain't gonna happen
just be real right now
tell me this: where are you located?
vannessa: GHANA
Me: ok cool. so its probably pretty late there right now. you're getting people in the middle of the day. you want to get them at night when they're tired after a long day at work and not thinking right
so get up earlier in the morning when its about 8 or 9pm in north america and thats when you start messaging folks
vannessa: THAT ENDS OUR CHAT
Me: Good luck, brother
vannessa: NO MORE MESSAGE
Me: okay thats cool
This is where I waited a couple of minutes to see if I could goad him into talking to me more.
Me:So why'd you pick the name Vanessa anyway?
vannessa: I LIKE THAT NAME
Me: thats cool. i see you picked the username vanessa808. thats good. just tell folks you're from hawaii.
thats the hawaiian phone area code
vannessa: ARE YOU A SCAMMER OR YOU VE SCAMMED BEFORE
BEEN
Me: no. but i've had people try to scam me a whole lot. i've seen the game played so many times i try to help other people improve what they're doing
the idea is that you want to come across like you're a real person. that picture is very obviously a model. if you pic someone's facebook picture i have a higher chance of believing you.
vannessa: OK
Me: and when you add someone say "Didn't we meet at that party last month? I couldn't find you on Facebook but someone gave me your Skype name"
vannessa: OK
AS U SAID,WE ARE IN THE THIRD WORLD WHERE JOBS ARE NOT EASY TO COME BY
ITS NOT OUR FAULT
Me: yeah i understand that completely. and theres a lot of money that people have in western countries that they spend on stupid things like phones and tvs that they don't need. if you can get a little for yourself then thats fair. its just money they might not miss
vannessa: I AM ASHAMED OF MYSELF
I WAS INTRODUCED BY A FRIEND
IN THE GAME
Me: have you ever scammed anyone? has it worked before?
vannessa: I AM NEW IN IT
Me: ok well you're gonna do just fine. get as much advice as you can from people who do well at scamming and i'm sure you'll be making a good living before too long.
vannessa: ARE U ADVISING ME TO DO IT?
Me: Well I'm saying you have to be realistic. If jobs and money are hard to come by in Ghana then you have to do what you have to do.
vannessa: OK
CAN WE BE FRIENDS?
Me: Sure man. Absolutely.
vannessa: THANKS
He went off shortly after that to hunt a wilderbeest or fight in a civil war or whatever they do in Ghana. If anyone wants to make a new friend I suggest adding vannessa808 to Skype and saying hello.