[El Bastardo]

I really tried to get a physical address out of this one. I was planning on using that street address to befriend another scammer, pretending that I was aliceadu and I was going to give them advanced scamming techniques if they sent me money through the post. Its a shame it didn't work.

I wanted to come off as someone so goddamned obnoxious that a scammer would have to be wildly desperate in order to keep talking to me. Alice jumped right to the chase so I have to "respek dat".



aliceadu50: hello
Me: holla holla get dolla
aliceadu50: how are you doing today my dear
i speak ENGLISH
Me: I speak English too, playa. Straight up Queen of England style yo.
aliceadu50: please i am Priscilla n u
Me: Well my slave name is Troy but my soul name is Trae-d'wan. You can call me T-Money
aliceadu50: ayd how aold are you u
Me: Old enough to be makin dat cheddar but not too old I can't barumpabump all nite long y'know what i'm sayin'
aliceadu50: lol
wat is ur occupation?
Me: Straight hustlin'
aliceadu50: ayd
r u on whatsApp
Me: ayds? nah I ain't got no ayds. i wrap dat. kid free since 2003. RIP little da'mandaran
not on whatsapp
aliceadu50: u r nt serious
Me: i'm serious about aids and whatsapp. serious like a heart attack
aliceadu50: ...........
Me: so whats up witchu?
aliceadu50: kul n yhu
Me: i'm chilazin. its like chilaxin but a little more laid back.
aliceadu50: please can u send me some money
Me: fo what? and what do i get in return? a true balla gotta get a return on investment. dats how dat game werk
aliceadu50: i will do anything u want after helping me
Me: how much u need?
aliceadu50: 300 dollars
Me: whats ur address
aliceadu50: are u really serious dear...because i need it urgently
Me: u got a mailing addres?
aliceadu50: yh
Me: what is it
aliceadu50: oh be truthful will u send the money?
Me: word is bond. ride or die. bad boys for life
aliceadu50: lol
Me: straight up. send me your address and you gonna get sumfink in da postal
aliceadu50: naa u will send it though Western Union money transfer
Me: i'm pretty sure i won't. dats insecure. govement be jackin' my shit all the time
aliceadu50: how come
Me: becuz dey can't hustle like me. dey wanna lern
aliceadu50: so cant you send it
Me: yu'll get it thru the postal mail. saul goodman
aliceadu50: naa sending it throgh the bank is faster
that one is less than 30 mins
Me: postal is safer. i'll put a rush on it. dem fedex and dhl folks do delivery for me same day. gimmie dat addr
i'm'a kick u a little extra cash for yo trubbles
aliceadu50: naa dear
i dont have any postal address
Me: what u don't want some money? i'm'a hook you upppp
no postal address? u don't have a home? do u live ina box?
is it a big cardboard box that a refridgerator came in?
oh shit son. u should sell ur computer and get a house. house is much better
aliceadu50: all you need to do is to go to de near by bank and transfer de money thats all dear
Me: they got fees and shit. a true nigga don't pay no fees
aliceadu50: naa u can reduce my money n use some to pay that fees
Me: whatchu need dis moneys for anyway
is it to buy a new cardboard box?
aliceadu50: my dear my mum is on the sick bed now and my father to is dead...
so there is no one to solve this problem for me
Me: yo moms prolly got sick from living in a dang box. dats yo prollem right thurr
aliceadu50: yup
Me: so if i wanted to send u money how do i do?
aliceadu50: i will give you a detailsd for the money

NAME: ALICE ADU
COUNTRY: GHANA
CITY: KUMASI
BANK: WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER
ZIPCODE: 00233

Me: what wil i get in return on dis investment? pretend i'm jim cramer and dis is mad moneyz
aliceadu50: any thing you will prefer my dear
Me: anything?
aliceadu50: yh..... after helping me to solve this immediate problem i will also do anything that pleases you ok
Me: ok. i'll send u the money an i want u to send the money right back. dats exactly what i perfer
can u do dat?
aliceadu50: ok ....i will ...n i promise on that
Me: go now. da moneys is waiting. hit me back if da guvment stole it
aliceadu50: lol....
and what is de details to withdraw it
Me: i put a special password onnit. u gotta tell it to dem when u get dere
aliceadu50: ok
Me: da password iz:
aliceadu50: so send it to me here
Me: "This is a robbery"
aliceadu50: lol
Me: dey'll know what it means
aliceadu50: u r nt serious
Me: yeh no1 else wuld send dat password so u kno its legit
jus go up to da man and say "I got moneys here fo me. I need to witdraw it."
And when he ask for dem details say "This is a robbery" and da transaction will go thru
dis is more secure than da postal mail fo sho.
aliceadu50: fuck
Me: legit
ride or die
bad boys for life
aliceadu50: bliee dhat
is straid
Me: fo sho
aliceadu50: huh!!!!
real GEE for lyf
Me: truth. truth.
aliceadu50: confirm,
Me: confirmed




No word from Agnes. RIP Agnes.