Thanks for the Adblock Plus suggestion, it's helping to identify the problem at least. That Malwarebytes program did absolutely nothing. I clicked full scan and it immediately said 0 results found; it didn't scan a thing.
akamaihd.net is the hijacker. It has now backdoored itself in to every website I visit. If I block that URL as a whole pages I visit now no longer load at all. Looking at the blocked content for Facebook for example you can see how it's working:
If I unblock it, whenever I click my mouse anywhere on the screen it pops up some bullshit ad. Ideas?