Quote:
Originally Posted by Hot Karl
and like dealing with recovering addicts, if you blindly go into this with all faith and no reservations you run the risk of getting full on screwed.
i'm not saying OP has to run away or be an asshole. but i'm saying a little caution isn't the worst thing in the world.
it's better then the full on hippy love fest. forgive and forget everything. uh no that's not how the real world works.
obviously as their relationship progresses OP and the GF will have this drift away in the past. but it's crazy stupid to pretend like it doesn't exist. at some level she needs counseling to make sure this is a dead issue. not something lurking and waiting to rear it's ugly head again.
but hey love fixes everything right? let's all just stick our heads in the sand because things are going ok RIGHT NOW. yea sure that always works out well for both parties.
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Obviously some caution is granted but if you're in his shoes and asking that she gets counselling that's pretty insulting to her. It's up to HER to get counselling to see if it's a deeper issue, not his.
No one is saying forgive and forget everything. There's really nothing to forgive either. No one is saying to ignore it like it never happened but what can you do about the past? The only thing HE can do is support her and help her. It's on HER to fix her issues, not him.
If she ends up in a destructive spiral again, that's a risk he knew about before getting into this. Getting hurt is always a possibility in any relationship.
PLUS the source of her destructive behaviour looks to be shitty boyfriends and depression. If she's happy with OP then there's no destructive behaviour. Problem solved.
I think at the core we're saying the same thing just different interpretations..