REVscene Automotive Forum - View Single Post - [Confidential] 10 Years and no proposal yet, am I being pulled along

svelt · 05-28-2014, 10:19 AM

The first few posts are, IMO, too sympathetic but it's probably because they are in the same boat as the male in question in the OP. Dating to me has to lead to two scenarios - marriage or break-up (unless you are one of those who doesn't believe in ever marrying, which is also A-OK). At 5 years, it should have been high time to explore where it's gonna lead - lifelong partnership in some form or manner, or GTFO and see what other options (of which there are many) present.

At 10 years a breakup is probably more emotionally straining than some divorces. $65k is not "good money", it's quite average for survival in Vancouver. If you guys were 28, the story would be a lot different, but this dude is 38. THIRTY EIGHT. That's quite old to not have made up his mind and take some responsibility. Don't want a wedding? Sign a paper.

I think you need to give an ultimatum, because if after 10 years and at the age of 38 he hasn't decided on whether he wants to commit to you or not he's never going to. And I hate ultimatums. But while time is still on your side and you will have no age related issues getting back into the dating game, for what reason do you have to waste another 1, 2, 5 years with a guy who just won't commit even when he's near 40? If he still wants to play the field, let him play the field (though he lost out on 10 of the most amazing years to do so). But if he wants to stay with you it's about damn time he made some sort of legal/physical promise to do so. Also, as everyone else has mentioned...what do you want to do about children? 30's good. 35 is ok. After that, the child's odds really start working against his/her favor. This is probably the most important thing for a would-be husband/wife to agree upon.

Also look at yourself to see if you are putting too much pressure and expectations on him? Do you need an expensive ring and a perfect wedding, or are you happy with something simple and small? Some guys really do delay weddings not because they don't want to be married, but despise the whole song and dance that comes along with it. If so, and you really do like the guy, scale back your expectations. Go with a simple ring and a family-style, intimate wedding.

05-28-2014, 10:19 AM	#18
svelt WOAH! i think Vtec just kicked in! Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Vancouver Posts: 1,682 Thanked 66 Times in 35 Posts Failed 8 Times in 3 Posts	The first few posts are, IMO, too sympathetic but it's probably because they are in the same boat as the male in question in the OP. Dating to me has to lead to two scenarios - marriage or break-up (unless you are one of those who doesn't believe in ever marrying, which is also A-OK). At 5 years, it should have been high time to explore where it's gonna lead - lifelong partnership in some form or manner, or GTFO and see what other options (of which there are many) present. At 10 years a breakup is probably more emotionally straining than some divorces. $65k is not "good money", it's quite average for survival in Vancouver. If you guys were 28, the story would be a lot different, but this dude is 38. THIRTY EIGHT. That's quite old to not have made up his mind and take some responsibility. Don't want a wedding? Sign a paper. I think you need to give an ultimatum, because if after 10 years and at the age of 38 he hasn't decided on whether he wants to commit to you or not he's never going to. And I hate ultimatums. But while time is still on your side and you will have no age related issues getting back into the dating game, for what reason do you have to waste another 1, 2, 5 years with a guy who just won't commit even when he's near 40? If he still wants to play the field, let him play the field (though he lost out on 10 of the most amazing years to do so). But if he wants to stay with you it's about damn time he made some sort of legal/physical promise to do so. Also, as everyone else has mentioned...what do you want to do about children? 30's good. 35 is ok. After that, the child's odds really start working against his/her favor. This is probably the most important thing for a would-be husband/wife to agree upon. Also look at yourself to see if you are putting too much pressure and expectations on him? Do you need an expensive ring and a perfect wedding, or are you happy with something simple and small? Some guys really do delay weddings not because they don't want to be married, but despise the whole song and dance that comes along with it. If so, and you really do like the guy, scale back your expectations. Go with a simple ring and a family-style, intimate wedding.