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Ultimatum I think is the worst. You might force him in to making a decision he doesn't want to make. This might result in complications further down the road. Set a timeline for your self, and make sure you stick to it. Being a woman in your 30's is quite alarming, especially if you want to have kids. It's really tough to find someone later at that age who may want the same things you do (kids, etc...).
Ten years is quite a bit of time, also this guy is THIRTY EIGHT, he should definitely know what he wants by now. If he wanted the life style you seem to want, he would have done something about it by now.
Good luck, I hope you can figure it out!
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