[PJ]

The best way is just to have a clear, cool headed discussion with her and put everything out on the table. Explain to her why your family acts they way they act, and that it isn't meant to be offensive in any way - it's just a culture thing. See if you can convince her to come to one family bbq or whatever, and hopefully from there she'll begin to understand. It's really the only sensible solution.. If she simply keeps saying "no" every time you have a family gathering, it pretty much means you can never enjoy time with her and your family together. And that isn't something you can just sweep under the rug long term. Nothing's going to improve, and if anything, things might even get worse.

I'm an Asian guy, and most of my girlfriends were either mixed or white. So you can imagine the cultural differences when they came to family things. My extended family is pretty westernized (we have a few married-in whites, a lot of close family friends that are white, and I'd imagine, that takes a bit of pressure off), so those were never really a problem. But when it comes to immediate family, my parents just kinda sit there at dinner and dig in without really saying anything, they shout across the whole house when communicating, chew with their mouths open, talk with their mouths full, etc.

Luckily my girlfriends have all been cool with it and completely understand the differences in mannerisms and cultures.

Your family is your family, and you can't expect them to change for your girlfriend. Your girlfriend is the one who needs to open up her mind a bit. And if you care about your family and she cares about you, she'll at least give it an honest attempt. Have the talk.