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Originally Posted by rzrshrp
Sorry for the constant venting guise...
So I told her how I felt last night, and she told me she wasn't interested. I hate when girls lie... She said "I'd rather not have a summer thing that we are doing just because we are bored" blah blah blah... Then as I keep talking in that mostly silent car ride, turns out she wasn't "physically attracted". Didn't eat last night and couldn't sleep, I don't know what to do right now. She said she likes me and would like to continue hanging out as friends (ouch, I know) and I like her too...
Do you guys think I should continue as her friend, maybe her feelings will change later on? Or is it better to let go.......
I can't control the colour of my brown skin, my looks, height, etc. but I just don't get the reason why I am rejected more often than I am given a "yes"
Edit: I wasn't head over heels for her, I liked her slightly, this was just something that I wanted to do
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I cringed when I saw your post about your outing, I'm cringing even harder when I read this. You know what I'm reading? A wall of excuses.
I dunno what happened on your "date" but you make it out to sound like a pretty horrible experience from her end. If you didn't have a good conversation going AND you barely knew her, why would you even ask when you should contact her when it ended only a few hours ago? That reeks of desperation which any person, guy or girl would find repulsive.
It ain't the color of your skin, or your height or your looks as long as you look and are pretty average. If she doesn't think she will be romantically involved with you, it's because you have nothing interesting to talk to her about, hence your forced date-conversation. Not being attracted to you physically was the easy way out for her.
If you have any hint of her not being interested, you should not be spilling your heart out. How do you gauge her interest? Well, if the number of happy moments are outweighed the number of awkward, forced conversation type moments, you should know she ain't that into you and if you make that leap, she is definitely gonna boot you in the face. Don't get me wrong, even if the number of happy moments out weigh the awkward moments, there's still a good chance that she will boot you in the face but there would be less chance of that happening. Another good sign that she is not interested is that she keeps her distance when walking with you and there's no attempt for her to physically get close to you.
When I go out with a girl I intend to get together with, after a few times going out with her, if she has made physical contact with me a few times, I will do the same and make contact with her until I eventually reach for her hand and hold it. Even then, it takes time for them to get to know you aren't a serial killer by talking with you and having some engaging conversation. Everything is built up slowly. Nothing in a relationship is instantaneous. I ask the girls I go out with more questions than they ask me to try and get to know them and then I let them bounce back with something to say and let the conversation build over time and establishing who this person is and what they like. You gotta learn some patience and chill out. You know how fishing lures work? If you make movements too sudden and unnatural, you scare all the mother fucking fish away, and then you're gonna go home with a bucket of rocks to eat for the night. If you slowly work the lure in a slow and calculated way and temped fish into biting, eventually you will get a hit.
From the sounds of it, you jumped the gun way too fast and you came off as desperate and got rejected, simple as that. Let me internet-Sherlock this for a bit: So you went out with her on the 4th of June, then you go ahead and tell her how you feel on the 13th. By my poor finger counting, that's 9 days from when you posted last about your first date on June 4th. So in reality, you only dated her for maybe 8 days? Too soon, Junior.
So the paradox is this: Learn patience, quickly.
Well, on to the next. Hope that was a good learning experience. Since you've already spilled your guts for her, being her friend will inevitably end sooner or later when she finds a guy to date. Trust me, when she finds another guy, it's gonna hurt you when she doesn't even want to talk to you.
So like you said, on your date, you didn't even know her much, so what's the point of keeping in contact? Being her friend because she has a lot of single friends is not going to help you. So many guys think this is such an awesome thing, but in reality it is quite possibly the most beta thing to do. If you are banking on her setting you up with one of them, you're just gonna remain one of her play things. She got power over you.
Are you gonna be emotionally attached to a girl who doesn't want you and who you barely know? Just take the hit and move on. Like I said before, go out and do shit and experience the world beyond work, it will make you less boring to be around.