Quote:
Originally Posted by tiger_handheld
you have to pay the parents to marry the gf?
so the parents are selling their daughter?
did i read that right?
|
Quote:
Originally Posted by 6793026
60k as a wedding gift? i would tell them to fook off.
45-50k for a good 30 tables in chinese restaurant
5-10k ring
5-8k for wedding videos etc.
what's this 60k they are asking.
|
Well in most Chinese Culture the guys family usually give the girls family some money. This is done because the parents of the daughter raise the daughter up which cost money and now she is marry and will now help carry the guys' family man (assuming they have a baby and the baby last name will follow the guys family). The girls family wants something in return for raising their daughter up.
Times have change since then and from I gather in the past few years in China when the guy pays the girl family, the girl family will also give the guy family equal value of what he guys pay in the form of a new car, electronics for the new house, maybe down payment for their house depending on how much money they ask for.
For my case if they want 60k they will have to give me 60k of items. It is really dumb in a sense you literally gain nothing other than bragging rights to their family and friends how much they got. In reality they still have to pay that money out. Now I am little different because she is in China and I am in Vancouver so if I give her parents any money I don't expect them to give me anything in return as it would be really difficult for them to ship say a car or any electronics. Actually I don't want anything from them. They aren't exactly rich themselves (they live in a rural area of China) her brother got an apartment in the city boarder of Beijing. My guess is that mom wants the money tho help her brother pays for the mortgage of the apartment. Or they feel they get a ton for their daughter since she graduated form university. I am sorry but almost anyone can graduate from university these days. So is nothing special. They also don't understand that once their daughter arrive in Vancouver she ain't going to be making any money for at least 6months to a year till she goes to school and learn something or get use to Vancouver. i have no doubt her English is so so can get by since she study English but by no means is good. So even after a few years of working I don't feel she will be able to get a high paying job here which is fine.
Now what they don't realize times have change. I have a few friends who got marry here (from China as well) and the girl family didn't even ask for any money from the guy because they only want their daughter to be happy. They also don't realize there is something call "Internet" so is very very easy to search for wedding trends in China (In fact there is a website that list how much money you should give to the girls family according to the city they are from) and her city falls really back on the list and most people offer $4k to $10k) again this depends on what the girl side is given (sometimes the girl side gets nothing if the guy have to pay for everything wedding, apartment, car etc etc).
The excuse they give for asking for this much money also doesn't make any sense. First they say they will miss their daughter and won't get to see her often (often as in every other day or everyweek). Knowing my gf have been studying in another city for over 4years and she only goes back to visit once a year, I explain she can go back to visit every year as well when she is in Van so it makes little to no difference when she was in university. Then they said they are scare the marriage won't work out and their daughter need the money to start fresh in China if we were to break up. I just lol and told them if they feel the marriage won't work then I won't even bother to get marry since in their mind they already have such a negative though and it makes no sense to get marry and then divorce. I simply won't do it. I also mention the recent trends in wedding in China and how girl family actually pays the guy as well. So they were a bit surprise.
I basically stop talking about this whole marriage thing with them and the gf. I can play the waiting game and they can't. Once you reach 28 and still isn't marry as a girl in China the whole society will think something is wrong with you and no one will really want to marry you. Another funny is they actually want to apply for a Visa to come visit Vancouver and see if it is safe here and if their daughter will like it here. I guess they didn't know how hard is it for them to get a Visa. So I kept quiet and let them try only for their application to be deny and the custom laughing their ass off with their application (they have very little savings, doesn't own a property and they are into their 50s). At this point I am just going to take a back seat and enjoy my time spend with my gf.