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Tone Loc · 11-30-2017, 01:12 PM

Been scrolling through the last 6-7 pages of this thread now, and I'm noticing a pattern here.... a lot of you guys (or girls) put wayyyyy too much value into finding a relationship/partner.

Dating someone and being in a stable relationship isn't automatically going to fix your insecurities or imagined deficiencies (which I am 99% sure are not as bad as it seems to you). I work in a position where I interact with a lot of different types of people, and I can honestly say I see as many people in relationships who are not satisfied (like I used to be) as I do see single people who are unhappy. Get out of your head!

Focus on building yourself up to the best you can be. Work your ass off at school, career, whatever you are working on right now. Hit the gym, eat right, maybe get into a sport. Work on being happy with yourself and who you are, and you'll realize you don't *need* a relationship to make you happy.

I'm speaking from a guys' perspective on this, but I met my GF when I gave up on trying to find a girl. My last relationship ended, I had a string of failures after that, so I gave up and I put all my effort into finishing my undergrad and applying for jobs, as well as the gym and bettering my self-image as I was pretty overweight at the time. I tried to go out more with my guy friends and tried to be more open-minded with meeting new people instead of doing the same thing every weekend. And then I met my current GF.

I don't think she would have been attracted to me, nor would I have had the confidence to "wheel" her if I wasn't in the best shape of my life; mentally, physically, psychologically, and emotionally. She was one of those girls where, in my days of being fat and lacking self-confidence, I would have checked her out but thought "fuck it, what's the point... she won't be into me".

My point? If it's meant to be, it'll happen. Focus on what you CAN control rather than what you can't. Put yourself out there, but primarily focus on making yourself into your best self. So that when, eventually, that person does come along, you'll be ready and you won't let your insecurities fuck it up for you like I did with my first long-term relationship.

You'll know you're in a healthy headspace when you realize that a good relationship just improves your life. It does not, and will not, and never will make your life.

Just my $0.02.

11-30-2017, 01:12 PM	#23627
Tone Loc Need to Seek Professional Help Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Vancouver, BC Posts: 1,036 Thanked 1,820 Times in 501 Posts Failed 57 Times in 27 Posts	Been scrolling through the last 6-7 pages of this thread now, and I'm noticing a pattern here.... a lot of you guys (or girls) put wayyyyy too much value into finding a relationship/partner. Dating someone and being in a stable relationship isn't automatically going to fix your insecurities or imagined deficiencies (which I am 99% sure are not as bad as it seems to you). I work in a position where I interact with a lot of different types of people, and I can honestly say I see as many people in relationships who are not satisfied (like I used to be) as I do see single people who are unhappy. Get out of your head! Focus on building yourself up to the best you can be. Work your ass off at school, career, whatever you are working on right now. Hit the gym, eat right, maybe get into a sport. Work on being happy with yourself and who you are, and you'll realize you don't need a relationship to make you happy. I'm speaking from a guys' perspective on this, but I met my GF when I gave up on trying to find a girl. My last relationship ended, I had a string of failures after that, so I gave up and I put all my effort into finishing my undergrad and applying for jobs, as well as the gym and bettering my self-image as I was pretty overweight at the time. I tried to go out more with my guy friends and tried to be more open-minded with meeting new people instead of doing the same thing every weekend. And then I met my current GF. I don't think she would have been attracted to me, nor would I have had the confidence to "wheel" her if I wasn't in the best shape of my life; mentally, physically, psychologically, and emotionally. She was one of those girls where, in my days of being fat and lacking self-confidence, I would have checked her out but thought "fuck it, what's the point... she won't be into me". My point? If it's meant to be, it'll happen. Focus on what you CAN control rather than what you can't. Put yourself out there, but primarily focus on making yourself into your best self. So that when, eventually, that person does come along, you'll be ready and you won't let your insecurities fuck it up for you like I did with my first long-term relationship. You'll know you're in a healthy headspace when you realize that a good relationship just improves your life. It does not, and will not, and never will make your life. Just my $0.02. Last edited by Tone Loc; 11-30-2017 at 01:18 PM.