Sometimes its not about getting attention, even though it might not be as serious as you think it is. I remember at like 13/14/15/16, I've contemplated it many times. But it turned out I really just liked the pain of making myself hurt and thinking about whether or not people would miss me.
Fact is, people are going to miss you. Even the people that you didn't think would care, are going to miss you. And it's selfish to put them through that. I think the best advice I got was when I was contemplating it and my buddy told, if you're going to say that, go walk into the middle of the street right now (and wait to get hit). That's kinda when I realized I didn't want to die.
Like MSREE said, professional help is the best case scenario. Even if that's not what you're looking for, sometimes its nice to just talk to someone or write it out somewhere, then destroy it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MSREE
Are you sure it's worth it to talk like that?
As someone who has attempted suicide at 15 y/o, I can tell you that what you're complaining about is temporary and fixable, while death is certain.
If you're serious, I suggest that you get professional help immediately. If you're saying it to get attention, smarten up.
If you can't even respect yourself, why would you expect other people to?
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Anyone good at analyzing dreams here? I feel like it might be because I've been eating mangos and vaping before bed.
I've been having really realistic, vivid, detail oriented, and generally fucked up dreams for the past three consecutive days. It was so bad that the best sleep I got was when I got shitfaced last night and passed out on the bathroom floor for 12 hours.
Dream 1:
It was one of those dreams where you couldn't tell what was reality. And it incorporated the two exams that I actually had that day. Might be because I was reading the thread about grudges.
-start dream-
I dreamt that my dad passed away. In my dream, I found out the news as I was going to school for an exam, so when I got to school, I told the prof and left. I skipped the exam and cried with someone. And then since I skipped the exam and given the news, I went home to sleep and not study.
-briefly woke up- Then I woke up and was really shaken up, went back to sleep.
I had a continuing dream where I woke up in the dream and was wondering if I just had a nightmare and freaked out cause I had an exam I didn't study for. I then asked my kid brother if it was true - that dad had passed away, and it wasn't just a nightmare. In the dream, my kid brother told me it was true. And then in this continuing dream, I learned more details about how my dad passed away.
-end dream-
I think what's really screwed up was how real it felt. And that I had a dream within a dream, within a dream. And that my best friend just went through this, but in real life.
The thing is I never really had a good relationship with my dad. And as a child/teen that really screwed me up. And at that point in my life, I was led to believe that he didn't love me or that he never wanted to me to be alive. I remember my mother telling me that when I was born, my father looked like he lost the potential for all of his dreams. I killed his dreams. Frankly, I have a strong dislike for my father. But given that dream. Big wake up call? I remember in the dream, I was thinking, I wish I had one more day to tell him everything I wanted to and was I a good enough son? This dream made me reconsider my relationship with him.
Dream 2:
This dream happened the night after Dream 1.
-Start Dream-
This time I dreamt that I got Belle back (LMAO WTF). And my parents caught me in bed with her, and the whole fiasco with how my dad's an asshole. And dad was saying shit like no sex before marriage and like what if you get her pregnant etc.
But I kept dreaming about how we would see each other regardless of if my parents liked it or not.
-End Dream-
Well what's weird is that I didn't really see Belle's face. But it was a detailed dream, like I could feel the softness of her skin and the feeling of her lips.
What's even more weird is that I had a similar dream about my ex, a long time ago. But in both cases it felt so real, to the point of being able to feel their warmth and touch of their skin.
Tbh not sure why I dreamed about Belle LOL.
Dream 3
Non existent had the best sleep ever, until I woke up. I got shitfaced on 3 hapa izakaya bamboo pitchers of sake and ended up on the bathroom floor for 12 hours, while puking for 4 hours. Oh how I wished I stopped drinking when I hit my limit. But no, I was being stupid and finished the sake. Oh but I did end up drunk texting Belle LOL. And she replied, but I didn't see it until I was sober rip.
I honestly don't understand how people go out every weekend and do this. Either I started way too early, built my tolerance up, and stopped. Or I just can't do this high school style drinking anymore. I contemplating calling an ambulance last night. Oh and I would imagine heated floors to be a blessing.