Some feedback for you. I get a mixed sense of formal and informal tone from it. I suggest stay consistent and go with formal.
why not combine this
1) "Division 7 - Other Equipment" under "Schedule – Standards for the Approval of a Motor Vehicle" in Section 7.091 regarding clearance height.
...
For #1, the MVA says:
A motor vehicle with a gross vehicle weight rating of less than 4 500 kg must have a minimum clearance for all parts of it, other than the wheels in contact with the level roadway, that is no lower than the lowest point on the rim of any wheel in contact with the roadway.
to
1) "Division 7 - Other Equipment" under "Schedule – Standards for the Approval of a Motor Vehicle" in Section 7.091 regarding clearance height, which states the following
"A motor vehicle with a gross vehicle weight rating of less than 4 500 kg must have a minimum clearance for all parts of it, other than the wheels in contact with the level roadway, that is no lower than the lowest point on the rim of any wheel in contact with the roadway."
at the bare minimum, change says to "states" or "states the following"
You define Notice and Order then put abbreviations, be consistent with all abbreviations, for instance, VPD, MVA. define it the first time you use it, then use abbreviations the rest of the letter. like this
Vancouver Police Department (VPD)
Motor Vehicle Act (MVA)
For this
To the VPD and the Police Complaint Commissioner -- and in particular to the rude and overly aggressive officer(s) who have been going on a wild VI-issuing spree lately -- please refrain from unfairly targeting vehicles ....
What's the -- all about? are you trying to indicate where you will bold?
perhaps throw in the end, that you would gladly show them further evidence to back up your claims, assuming you have some prepared. like youtube videos or example's of VI tickets, etc.
and this isn't feedback, but more so, words of encouragement. What you have so far is pretty good and it's almost something I would copy paste and send to the list of people you are going to send it to. Keep updating us with what you have, so in the end, my lazy butt can copy paste it.
