So I ordered a Danby 12,000 BTU Single Hose unit from Costco on the chance I wasn't able to grab the 14,000 BTU in-store one.
If anybody wants/needs the 12,000 BTU one at cost, PM me. If not I'll just return.
https://www.danby.com/products/porta.../dpa120bccwdb/
Edit: AC gone to a fellow RS member!