Quote:
Originally Posted by GS8
Cliched but the situation below isn't about me but, rather, a friend of mine who's in a scenario I thought I'd share:
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He's been seeing a girl since August last year. Three weeks in, the girl says she needs time off from it to deal with personal matters. She didn't share much of it but after some pressing from my friend, she revealed that she didn't fully break it off with the guy she was seeing prior and she was torn. She basically said she was pursuing the guy for a relationship but he wasn't reciprocating as he wanted her just for sex and relaxation, nothing more. She also mentioned that while she feels mentally connected to my friend, her heart wasn't feeling that same connection.
They agreed to not see each other so she can end it with the previous guy and have a 'cleanse'. He texted her periodically to checkup on her and she appreciated that.
Come November, (2 months), she says she's ready to see him again. Her previous BF was out of the picture and she felt spiritually 'renewed'.
They see each other again like they used to but then Christmas comes in and they're both busy with family, then she gets Covid in January which put her out for 2 more weeks. So basically between Nov and now (about 3 months), they saw each other around 8 times.
It was 2 weeks ago they went to a restaurant and for the first time, she decides to take a selfie with the two of them AND she posts it on her social media where her family take notice and are apparently happy for her. My friend was ecstatic at this point because he thought that she was finally comfortable enough to be with him, accept him and that she had gotten over her issues from September. The relationship was officially beginning.
And then last night happens. She texted him again saying she can't feel the connection when they kiss or be intimate. She said he's the perfect boyfriend (much better than her previous BF) and her mind wants to move forward but there's something in her heart that makes her not feel anything. Apparently she considered ignoring her heart and following her mind but thinks that will create a delusion and none of them will be happy since the connection isn't genuine.
So yeah, my friend is feeling dejected now. They talked a bit after the initial messages and she's convinced that she can't feel anything, not because of my friend, but because of her own history with failed relationships (she's at 4) and she's in her mid 30s.
My view was that it's almost like her heart is putting up a self-defense mechanism due to her history and to prevent further hurt.
Anyway, it's not so much the revelation that's eating my friend up. It's the ambiguity. She said she MAY feel something at some point but she doesn't know when. I mean, that's gotta hurt anyone in that situation right? It could be a month or even one year before she knows how to proceed. She said she's not dating at all and it's last on her priority list. They are both thinking that dating again in November might have been too soon. My friend honestly thought she'd cleanse until the end of 2021 and start fresh this year but she thought 2 months would be enough.
I actually feel for both of them. I can't imagine the shock and confusion going on between them. They are currently on good terms but in his own words 'the relationship ended as soon as it began'.
He doesn't want to get back into dating himself because of how hard it's been especially with Covid. Online makes it even harder. It's almost like the ratio of men to women is like 10:1. He said he'll just focus on his career and just see what happens. He's latching to the fact that she said he's 'the perfect boyfriend' as hope but the ambiguity will bother him. I empathize. Humans don't get along with ambiguity. We always like all the information present to us and a crystal clear fashion.
Whoops! This is a long post but he told me everything so I tried to transcribe as best I could.
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I have an update to this story (this thread is slow anyway). For starters, let me generate some names (not actual names).
My friend: James
The girl: Samantha
The ex / now current boyfriend: Mike
Mutual friend: Melanie
So ever since my friend James and Samantha went their own ways, she basically committed to Mike. He was an ex but they got back together. By committed, I mean she started posting photos and videos of them together all throughout spring and summer including a motorcycle trip through Van Isle.
Anyway, a mutual friend, Melanie, notices that Samantha started removing posts from her IG / FB only to find out they're all posts relating to her & Mike. This is months' worth of posts / reels / collections etc.
Melanie told James for fun and all James could to is
So basically, Samantha threw James away for Mike who then threw Samantha away. The karma is just too much
:
Samantha and Mike couldn't even get 10 months out of their relationship redux and now she has no one, though James thinks she'll be someone else's cumrag for now.
James has happily been in a relationship since July and he told me to say thank you to you guys for helping him dodge that bullet, though he describes Samantha as a grenade without a pin that's always in someone's hand.
EDIT: As for me, I just passed one month of being in a relationship
. We started dating in June but didn't make it official until September. She lives in Victoria so there's distance issues but we're making it work. Going there gives me reason to leave my hamster-wheel life.