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Traum · 10-30-2024, 01:08 AM

I don't have an answer to your high value individual question, but I've certainly gone through several phases of burning myself out, and I have since vowed to myself that I would never put myself through that again unless I am literally fighting to survive to meet the basic need for food and clothes for me and my family.

I can safely say that I am chained down as much as any typical husband / dad with a huge mortgage on my back. I know there is no getting out of this because there are still 20+ years to go on the mortgage, 10+ years before my kid turns 18, (And what Chinese parent could really let go of their kid just bcos they turned 18?) plus all the expenses that go along with the journey. But most of the time I don't feel trapped.

It goes without saying that it's bad to feel burnt out and trapped. For me, I am actively and intentionally not allowing myself to get into situations where I would be burning myself out for an extended period of time -- IMO short bursts of taking on more than one can handle every now and then is pretty much a fact of life, so that cannot be entirely avoided.

The other thing is to not feel trapped. I know it sounds corny, but I don't feel trapped bcos I love my wife. I love my kid. I have a loving family, and I both enjoy and treasure our time together. Knowing that, and feeling that on a daily basis are the reasons why I do not feel trapped. Like I said -- it's corny, but it's true.

You have a lot on your shoulders. Is there any way you can take on less? You mentioned lifestyle inflation, and that might potentially be a good place for you to dial back on. Can you slow down / take on less, or let deadlines and standards slide a little? Some bosses will push and squeeze every last drop of usefulness out of his staff, and I would go back to the same old cliche bcos it's true -- employees are dispensable, but you are not, at least not to yourself.

But I wouldn't cut back on the time and things you do for your friends. At this moment in time, they are your core support network and non-family family. Should you eventually build a family of your own, you'll inevitably cutback on how much you do with and for your friends.

Good luck!

10-30-2024, 01:08 AM	#3
Traum RS.net, helping ugly ppl have sex since 2001 Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Paradise, BC Posts: 8,380 Thanked 8,148 Times in 3,389 Posts Failed 262 Times in 148 Posts	I don't have an answer to your high value individual question, but I've certainly gone through several phases of burning myself out, and I have since vowed to myself that I would never put myself through that again unless I am literally fighting to survive to meet the basic need for food and clothes for me and my family. I can safely say that I am chained down as much as any typical husband / dad with a huge mortgage on my back. I know there is no getting out of this because there are still 20+ years to go on the mortgage, 10+ years before my kid turns 18, (And what Chinese parent could really let go of their kid just bcos they turned 18?) plus all the expenses that go along with the journey. But most of the time I don't feel trapped. It goes without saying that it's bad to feel burnt out and trapped. For me, I am actively and intentionally not allowing myself to get into situations where I would be burning myself out for an extended period of time -- IMO short bursts of taking on more than one can handle every now and then is pretty much a fact of life, so that cannot be entirely avoided. The other thing is to not feel trapped. I know it sounds corny, but I don't feel trapped bcos I love my wife. I love my kid. I have a loving family, and I both enjoy and treasure our time together. Knowing that, and feeling that on a daily basis are the reasons why I do not feel trapped. Like I said -- it's corny, but it's true. You have a lot on your shoulders. Is there any way you can take on less? You mentioned lifestyle inflation, and that might potentially be a good place for you to dial back on. Can you slow down / take on less, or let deadlines and standards slide a little? Some bosses will push and squeeze every last drop of usefulness out of his staff, and I would go back to the same old cliche bcos it's true -- employees are dispensable, but you are not, at least not to yourself. But I wouldn't cut back on the time and things you do for your friends. At this moment in time, they are your core support network and non-family family. Should you eventually build a family of your own, you'll inevitably cutback on how much you do with and for your friends. Good luck!