[Gerbs]

Originally Posted by BIC_BAWS

Incoming word vomit.

What do you guys define as a high value individual? This term has popped up across social media lately, but ignoring the TikTok/IG brain rot perspective, what does this mean to you guys?

Spoiler!

I've been really really really fucking burnt out (struggling) for the last few years. Hell I haven't done anything to change it and I know that. It's not an excuse but for context, I barely feel like a human being most of the time and it honestly feels like I'm living in a shell of myself - robotic going through the daily motions of life (work, eat, sleep, repeat). I've said this before, but I feel trapped. As in, trapped in debt (mortgage + car) via lifestyle inflation and other familial circumstances. Outside of track and friends, I am living only to pay off generational debt.

Anyway, through a conversation with a friend tonight, I think the lack of motivation to do something about it ultimately boils down to my self worth. Pre-COVID, in my early 20s, I was running several successful businesses and I had a clear path of what I wanted to do. COVID kind of really fucked me cause I feel like I've done nothing since the shut down. To me, success looks like ambition and living your life to your terms, done via entrepreneurship. I can't do that anymore because I need things like job security and being an employee for mortgage reasons.

Despite me feeling that I haven't had a lot of self growth in the last 4 years, a different friend reminded me that I've grown so much more as a person - managing to foster (cultivate) an amazing friend group, finding joy in caring for others (monetary, time, experiences) and showing up for people, etc. While I think I was doing that before, they did mention that they didn't really like who I was before - arrogant, cocky, and an overall asshole. I'm still an asshole, but I perceived that time of my life of being a high valued person.

I find it difficult to have this conversation with those amongst my age group as in most cases - it's the opposite. They didn't have a sense of direction in their early 20s, but now they do. Or tbh it's just that life hasn't beaten them up yet or enough, to get to this point of what the fuck. Whereas, the demographic here is older, so well most of you have gotten your 20s and 30s out of the way and life has fucked you up over the years.

I've had this conversation countless times over the last couple of years as many friends and acquaintances enter what feels like a quarter-life crisis. It’s fascinating to see how different life has turned out compared to how people expected it to be. Here are some recent events that triggered this conversation.

Financial Strain: Realizing they’ve peaked monetarily but can't afford the travel or hobbies they dreamed of.
Living Situation: Finding themselves still living with their parents by ages 30-32. With no realistic plan to ever leave and grow their character
Relationship: Discovering they're not as desirable for a long-term relationship with their ideal partner and facing the need to compromise on certain "must-have" criteria.
Friendships: They only have HS / college or one group of friends that don't value them and have very limited world outlooks and hobbies.

When it comes to being "high value," I think it largely depends on the perspective you're looking at:

Social Media / TikTok Perspective
IG/TikTok, targets 15-25 year old who are on self-improvement journeys who aren't happy with their life. "high value and happiness" is equated with having:

- $150K+ High income
- Successful social circle
- $500K-1.5+M NW by 30-35
- 10-12% body fat + muscle
- Looks maxing
- Fast cars + Nice watches

It's an intense and often superficial standard in which 95% of people will never obtain and the message seems to resonate that you're a piece of shit if you don't have this.

As a Full Individual Character

Spoiler!

As Radeonboy put it, high value is more about being a person who’s "reliable, open-minded, respectful, resourceful, and trustworthy with the confidence to uphold their personality and self-worth." To me, this means someone who is emotionally intelligent, caring, has diverse interests and hobbies, and follows through on their word

This perspective values depth of character over appearance or material success. I think this is very important and is easily lost in the sauce in your 20's.

High Value for Adult Friendships in Your Mid-to-Late 20s
AstulzerRZD adds another layer, noting that value in friendships can vary. For some, it’s about service; for others, it’s creating economic opportunities, or helping others have meaningful experiences.

In my experience, infiltrating friend groups and being someone that others wanna re-invite out and accept is a game of value whether people agree with it or not. On top of basic things like good personality and being funny, providing economic and social opportunities too—like hosting, connecting friends with business referrals, or planning golf/ski events. They help you build a social circle with friends from different aspects of life (close friends, work friends, sports groups, car groups, friends in different city etc.) has been a game-changer for me in terms of finding a sense of belonging and maximizing enjoyment of experiences/life.

A lot of people resist the idea of needing to provide "value" in friendships, saying they only need their close high school or college friends. But, expanding your social circle can make a big difference, helping you find connections in different "pockets" of life.