[BIC_BAWS]

Thank you to everyone for their thoughtful and in-depth replies, you guys have no idea how much I value these kind of replies. I read every single one throughout the day, there's a lot to unpack here and I believe in equal energy, so read my replies or don't. Not going to quote all as there's overlap and it's not that I don't value your opinion or feedback. I'm way beyond oversharing at this point so this gonna be lengthy and messy. (TIL there's no word count limit... good luck everyone. I'm on a 2160x3140 monitor with plenty of screen real estate)

While Dukes was half joking, I would categorize RS to be high value people - whether that be ballers (everyone's a baller in here) or people that have meaningful relationships. Hell I've met most people in this thread, and I can wholeheartedly say when I imagine a "high value individual", it's you guys.

There are two ppl here that I have basically "grown up with", I have so much admiration for them because I feel like they made it. They have the relationships, the friendships, the job, the money, the housing, and the experiences. I am envious but I know they both worked really fucking hard to make this happen. Props to you guys.

I (logically) know that comparison is bad and I know that there are a lot of people who have it way worse. But I think the "suck it up and deal with it", is the reason why I'm here now - it's not really dealt with just ignored.

To preface everything, I am in no way a positive benchmark for good financial decisions. It's all bad but tracking makes me feel normal so fuck it.

Originally Posted by Gerbs

- $150K+ High income
- Successful social circle
- $500K-1.5+M NW by 30-35
- 10-12% body fat + muscle
- Looks maxing
- Fast cars + Nice watches

It's an intense and often superficial standard in which 95% of people will never obtain and the message seems to resonate that you're a piece of shit if you don't have this.

When I made this post, my definition of an high value individual isn't based off what social media says - material and monetary items - it's a whole package as person.

OTOH, the above is quite accurate to would like to see for myself to be a "high valued individual". I have experienced entrepreneurship so I know it is possible. I can't have it all (looks max), but I can have most of it. I *could* have gotten there, but it's now no longer possible due to mortgage obligations. I believe this is why I'm so disappointed with my life

Hell, had I not been greedy with HULK.V, I could have hit NW value at 24. This is a bit more complex as you know, but I guess I only lost M3 ICBC payout money (funded by COVID savings lol).

Originally Posted by underscore

The people pushing that are usually either faking that they have it (either lying about having it, renting things or being in huge debt), or lying about how they got it.

While I appreciate the props from all my bros here, it wouldn't be fair to say that I have all those things. I know that I'm incredibly hard on myself, but that's for the reason that social media paints a one side picture. Those that know me, know that honesty is one of my core values. I don't want to set the connotation that I'm whining about how shitty my life is but I "have" all these nice things. I don't have all these things, they all come with asterisks.

Originally Posted by Badhobz

Facts:
You own a single detached house in the GVRD. I was living with my parents at your age.

You drove bmws and m3s and now CTR.

You have enough disposable income that you can afford a car hobby and go to track days. Like real fucking track days where a normal weekend is basically min $1000

Facts:

I own 33% of a single detached house in the GVRD AND still live with my parents. I pay 50% of the mortgage, mom covers the other half, dad takes care of other regular household expenses. Emergency expenses are split 33% each as I strongly believe in equal. Context in spoiler.

Spoiler!

If I wasn't doing this, I would be living in the same low income housing townhouse (that we weren't getting subsidies for but still better than retail) with now 4 adults (myself, brother, mom, dad). It was 1000 sqft, 3 lvls, 2 bd 1 ba. My brother slept in the dining room with zero privacy. Our living room was my mom's office. And obvs with Asians, we don't talk. It's just yelling and not enough space apart in our home.

My parents has rented their entire life. Like many immigrant parents, they gave everything to us. The least I could do is to carry this burden of debt for them that is drowning me. As the eldest son, it's my responsibility and my sacrifice. I'm envious of my brother because he's planning on moving (escaping) to the US for tech work. OTOH, I'm "happy" to make this sacrifice for him bc it's the "right" thing to do, and integrity is important to me.

Growing up, I was so hard on my dad. He worked at a supermarket and aimed higher, only making minimum wage. It was so frustrating bc my mom works so hard and still does to this day - 18-20 hour days for as long as I can remember. I grew up pretty independently, raising my brother, but they did what they had to give us a future.

Now, I understand why my dad didn't leave his shitty job. Job security. You have to be able to put food on the table, so don't be a bitch and tough it out. I think that's why I also put up with so much shit at work and I'm scared to take the risk to quit. I need that job security or we default and are homeless.

I drove old BMWs and M3s, and now I drive a CTR that the bank owns and I just missed a payment on. Might get repo'd lol.

I don't have disposable income, I have a solid $92.48 in the bank right now. It's the only thing that makes me happy so I'll just put it on the LOC. That's how fixing my car post-track crash got funded. In previous years, I just made it work and I have no idea how.

Originally Posted by westopher

Try and remove the financial and work portion from your self reflection for some times. I know that's not easy, as so much of our self worth comes from that, but really concentrate.

I don't necessarily tie work to happiness, but I enjoy taking ownership of things at work and I do take on a lot because I believe in doing things right and meticulously planned out. I know I do an outstanding job and I can't get fired.

I was at my happiest when I was building businesses. I can't do that anymore because mortgage requirements make it very difficult for self employed/small business owners. So I have to be employed for someone else, in order to have my mortgage.

Originally Posted by RabidRat

If you're not currently attached right now, then a huge upside of that would be the ultimate freedom to just pack up and move somewhere totally different .

Not attached, attached to my burden of this house and familial commitments. I can't leave. I would love to. But it's not in the books.

Relationships

I assume that's what you mean by attached. I haven't been on a date or even talked to anyone in 4 years because I don't feel like I'm good enough or am a reasonably happy person to be around rn. I have all this familial baggage and debt that I'm carrying. I don't want to date and burden someone else with that. Like I see it as, these are my circumstances and it's what I have. So it is what it is. We don't all get what we want in life.

Originally Posted by The Producer

For real man - save some pu$$y for the rest of us.

All yours. Haven't got laid in 4 years, hookup culture isn't for me, and well the rest is explained above.

Originally Posted by Tapioca

I didn't own a detached house until I was 38. I have never bought a brand new car in my life. I have an empty passport. You're doing fine.

OTOH, you do have to enjoy the journey and find ways to derive joy during the daily grind when you can. Help your neighbour out with something, or open the door for an elderly person. Smile back at a toddler.

I recently celebrated my 10-year wedding anniversary with my wife. It was very meaningful - more meaningful than I realized. When you invest in relationships with other human beings, your perspective changes as well.

Travel (read: Escape)

I don't have an interest in travel; I never had vacations or general travel growing up. I dream about what AstulzerRZD and RabidRat have experienced - the growth from putting yourself outside your comfort zone. I have seen first hand how much AstulzerRZD has grown since hs and each phase of his life in whichever city he's in at the time. It's fucking impressive.

I always dream about moving to Toronto, Calgary, Australia, Seattle, but I know I can't because of the above familial circumstances.

New Car

I wouldn't normally buy a new car. Hell, I've only had 15+ year old cars prior to the FK8. I purchased it used in 2021, when all car pricing was fucked, so at the time it made sense. My justification was that I spent so much money on the 330ci to get it track prepped, for it to be marginally faster than a FRS but drives significantly worse. SOOOO i might as well spend more on smt out of the box. Plus I can't get rid of track, it's the only thing that keeps me going year after year.

Finding Joy In The Little Things/Human Relationships

In my OP, I mentioned that my friend commented on my self growth as an individual that I'm blind to.

Despite not being a holiday person my entire life (childhood trauma or w/e new term?), last year I made the intentional effort to express gratitude to those around me that appreciate me. I think as we get older it's important to be intentional with your efforts.

As a result I did a few dinners last year around Christmas to celebrate those around me, despite my ongoing financial burdens, and it did make me happy. Selfish, isn't it? Doing things for others because it makes me happy.

Originally Posted by The Producer

Lastly - it's hard, but don't compare yourself to others. You're leading in the life game right now, it's just the early part of the race. Got a house at your age, you're earning well, and that you're taking care of people.

Originally Posted by westopher

Try to show yourself the same care and respect as they do. Love yourself for the reasons people celebrate you and celebrate yourself for it as well. Tell people you care about them and see them smile.

Idk why I hold myself to an extremely high standard, but I think it's because expect a high standard from others, thus I should meet the same. I absolutely hate hypocrites and I refuse to be contradictory. It's hard for me to give myself grace when it feels like I'm not enough. I try my best to make others around me happy because frankly I'm not and if I'm forced to live then I might as well spend this time adding to other people's lives rather than taking from it.


Everything else below is kind of out of order.. oh well.

Originally Posted by SkinnyPupp

Not to sound morbid but I am shocked the suicide rate hasn't skyrocketed over the past 5 years.

Well life insurance wouldn't pay out on suicide.. but if it's fine if I died today. At least my parents won't have to worry about the mortgage, my policies will pay it off. I'll die without having experienced "true love" (or have had a lot of sex) but I know my friends love me, so that's good enough. Can't win em all.

Originally Posted by Hondaracer

The only reason why I can think of it hasn’t blown up is that ignorance is bliss, if you don’t understand what it’s like to be comfortable, you don’t have a reference to your happiness.

I think this is why I'm so unhappy. I was so happy being an entreprenuer in my early 20s, albeit no debt or burdens.

Originally Posted by The Producer

Really your only bonehead play that I know of is dumping your E36. The only real high value individual is BMW Individual

Lowkey... I kinda miss that shitbox E36... but I have zero purpose of having it haha. It's not a daily and it's not a track car.

Originally Posted by The Producer

take a social media break. start w a couple of days, see if you can get to a couple of weeks. pretty quick you'll figure out that a lot of that anxiety is coming from a non stop barrage of social media presence that only exists to exploit.

I don't actually spend that much time on social media.. well I post stories.. but don't watch many others LOL. But I know what you mean, social media and brain rot is actually fucked.

Originally Posted by Gerbs

Imo having your shit together by 20's, your life has never been more comfortable.

You're WFH, Costco delivered to your door step w 20% off uber eats gift card, 12-2PM hits and you're saucing your S2000 to play some sports with your friends.

After work 4-6PM, you take your Type R up Seymour to go ski in the winter, then head back for a dinner/date that requires no in-person approaching because dating apps or friend referral.

Then proceed to sleep in the next day because no commute to work! YOY you're making more than you believe you'd ever make, I can't believe this is life lol

Yeah this isn't what my life looks like. I have a 45-1.5 hr commute daily, it's fucking awful, and lowkey making me a racist.

It's work. Go home. Smoke a bunch of weed to put up with the bullshit at work and what I call "life". End up in a deeper hole. Watch some porn to help me fall asleep (yes porn addiction is real and probably causing some of my probs too). Go to sleep. Repeat.

I have zero interest in dating (or pussy) bc I haven't been great to be around - I'm miserable.

Originally Posted by Gerbs

But if you're stuck making $50-60K, gg lol

Exactly. I make 60K lol. And honestly who the fuck am i gonna date with $90 in my acct lol