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BIC BAWS...don't take this the wrong way but just based on your long rambling post I feel like you may have some more deep-seated anxiety issues at play here. Issues that aren't really healthy and won't really get resolved by getting a higher paying job or being more frugal with expenses.
I'm not saying just dive deep into psychotherapy right now but maybe take a step back and see if you can talk to someone about this even look into some free mental health resources available in the health system.
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