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Legitimately, what's your budget?
If she doesn't even drive 90% of the time, I'd put her opinions on read and get what works for you. The Cayenne is on average about 30% more than the X5 across most trim levels, go test drive both and decide if it's even worth it for you.
IMO the X5 is the better PHEV, but the Cayenne is probably the better gasser. The X5 is going to beat the Cayenne hands down in any utility comparison.
I've mentioned it here before, the X5 will move if you hustle it, but it's not a willing dancer. You can really feel the battery in the trunk and occasionally the whacked up weight distribution can really be felt. For a very good description, the car will try to 911 you if you aren't careful with it. It's actually a well known problem in Europe as PHEV with a battery in the trunk well is a very common setup over there, road tests have shown their PHEV wagons swapping ends on emergency evasive manuever tests.
If there's no kids in the plans for you guys, she's gonna stay not driving.
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