Quote:
Originally Posted by spoon.ek9
A few thoughts:
1. Girls have been trying to teach each other that coffee dates are low effort and only done by broke boys. In reality, there are many benefits to this style of a first date but many girls simply want you to "prove you're a provider" so something like this simply won't cut it. Do yourself a favour and walk away from girls who straight up demand a fancy dinner right off the bat.
2. the dollar amount spent on a dinner is difficult for those of you who've long been married for a very specific reason. with apps, you're literally talking about treating a total stranger to an expensive meal who is for SURE talking to multiple other dudes. this isn't the same as traditional dating where you got to know someone in person over the course or weeks/months/years and finally have the opportunity to take them out after already establishing mutual interest. so to expect us as men to shell out $200-$300 for a dinner with some rando is not a smart idea nor does it generally lead to any kind of success with said girl.
3. i find the general disconnect in dating these days stems from wanting all the traditional aspects of dating (picking them up, opening doors, paying for the meal) while providing none of the traditional things on their end themselves. girls are quick to tell you what men should do but try asking them (definitely can't tell them) what it is they think women should do and you'll see how high the double standards are nowadays.
4. I remember one girl on an app who was truthful on her profile and said she is currently pregnant with her ex's baby and that she is keeping it. You'd have to be an absolute idiot to walk into a situation like that or desperate AF. Even then, single moms also have extremely high standards and will gaslight you into believing you're lucky to even be considered (ask me how I know).
Takeaway message:
I can tell you from personal experience that paying for expensive dinners didn't lead to much of anything when I was still out there. Save your money for the girl who proves she's worth it.
|
I agree entirely with what you said. Wanting a woman's perspective, I asked my fiance what she thought and I'm just sharing what she said.
1. She said overall she agrees with what you said.
2. She said that coffee dates are so-so. Coffee dates are neutral with low risk, low intimacy. She would agree to a coffee date if she didn't think too much of the guy, but wanted to give it a shot or was bored. If vibes were good, it generally led to lunch after. She wouldn’t want a fancy dinner unless there was real compatibility.
3. She said that she tends to associate money with effort, but that's just her standard. She said for every one of her, there are tons of women out there that are happy to split the bill or have lower standards.
For what it's worth, I talked to my fiance nonstop for 3-4 days before we met up for happy hour at Cactus. I think the bill was $80 for a few appetizers and drinks. I don't think I would've taken her there if I didn't feel a real compatibility.
I wasn't sure about one girl so we just went for a coffee and walk around Central Park, lol.
TBH, there is nothing wrong if you want to spend hundreds of dollars on a first date. I think it's when men expect to get something back in return -- nothing is guaranteed.