Quote:
Originally Posted by spoon.ek9
A few thoughts:
1. Girls have been trying to teach each other that coffee dates are low effort and only done by broke boys. In reality, there are many benefits to this style of a first date but many girls simply want you to "prove you're a provider" so something like this simply won't cut it. Do yourself a favour and walk away from girls who straight up demand a fancy dinner right off the bat.
2. the dollar amount spent on a dinner is difficult for those of you who've long been married for a very specific reason. with apps, you're literally talking about treating a total stranger to an expensive meal who is for SURE talking to multiple other dudes. this isn't the same as traditional dating where you got to know someone in person over the course or weeks/months/years and finally have the opportunity to take them out after already establishing mutual interest. so to expect us as men to shell out $200-$300 for a dinner with some rando is not a smart idea nor does it generally lead to any kind of success with said girl.
3. i find the general disconnect in dating these days stems from wanting all the traditional aspects of dating (picking them up, opening doors, paying for the meal) while providing none of the traditional things on their end themselves. girls are quick to tell you what men should do but try asking them (definitely can't tell them) what it is they think women should do and you'll see how high the double standards are nowadays.
4. I remember one girl on an app who was truthful on her profile and said she is currently pregnant with her ex's baby and that she is keeping it. You'd have to be an absolute idiot to walk into a situation like that or desperate AF. Even then, single moms also have extremely high standards and will gaslight you into believing you're lucky to even be considered (ask me how I know).
Takeaway message:
I can tell you from personal experience that paying for expensive dinners didn't lead to much of anything when I was still out there. Save your money for the girl who proves she's worth it.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by spoon.ek9
One girl I had met, it wasn't until maybe date number 3 or 4 where she finally told me she had a son from a previous marriage. In order to manipulate the situation in her favour she told me things like "he's an amazing person and you'd be LUCKY to have him in your life". Girl, stfu. If you had been honest from the get go about having a kid I wouldn't have wasted any of my time considering you.
I used to think it's the noble thing to step up and be a father figure in this situation but that is flawed thinking. You're adding drama to your life no matter how you cut it. You are walking into a scenario where you have zero authority. You'll be met with things like don't tell my kid what to do, you're not his father. Or the kid themselves saying I don't have to listen to you, you ain't my dad. A lot of single moms simply want someone to finance their lifestyle and you're the sucker they have their eyes on.
Also, single moms KNOW they are at a huge disadvantage because why would a guy knowingly choose extra responsibility rather than starting fresh with a girl who has zero baggage? So how do you correct this disadvantage? Gaslight the men into thinking they're not a real man if they aren't willing to accept responsibility. It's not the mom's fault, it's yours! Imagine that 
Let's not forget that you'll never hear the true story as to why things didn't work out in previous marriage/relationship. Accountability is often a one way street with these types. Did they cheat? Did they steal money? Did they start physical altercations and then claim to be the victim then call police? You'll never know so why choose this girl? Sure, some of them might actually tell you the truth but again, good luck with that. |
Quote:
Originally Posted by Razor Ramon HG
I agree entirely with what you said. Wanting a woman's perspective, I asked my fiance what she thought and I'm just sharing what she said.
1. She said overall she agrees with what you said.
2. She said that coffee dates are so-so. Coffee dates are neutral with low risk, low intimacy. She would agree to a coffee date if she didn't think too much of the guy, but wanted to give it a shot or was bored. If vibes were good, it generally led to lunch after. She wouldn’t want a fancy dinner unless there was real compatibility.
3. She said that she tends to associate money with effort, but that's just her standard. She said for every one of her, there are tons of women out there that are happy to split the bill or have lower standards.
For what it's worth, I talked to my fiance nonstop for 3-4 days before we met up for happy hour at Cactus. I think the bill was $80 for a few appetizers and drinks. I don't think I would've taken her there if I didn't feel a real compatibility.
I wasn't sure about one girl so we just went for a coffee and walk around Central Park, lol.
TBH, there is nothing wrong if you want to spend hundreds of dollars on a first date. I think it's when men expect to get something back in return -- nothing is guaranteed.
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I talked to my wife about this as well and she mentioned a few things.
As a mom, the kids are going to be her number 1 priority. Chances are the kids are going to come ahead of you as some one she's dating. I argued about it with her where if she was gonna move in with a guy, you two will share the space and you'd expect the guy to help and then the guy will want to at least impose some of his own house rules. Given that scenario, she said she'd likely not be looking for anyone at all, and most of all won't be on dating apps. So your pool of single moms who ARE on dating app will likely skew towards batshit crazy/entitled/no self awareness.
As a single mom, she said she will have VERY HEIGHTENED sense of danger where the man she meets may potentially be abusive, to her and to her kids. And we have seen some crazy chicks where we agree it applies to both sides. She did mention the abuse thing is actually scarier for men because typically an abusive man is harder to hide. An abusive woman usually are more subtle about it and society's view on it is still very lopsided, where a woman can totally lie about shit, but a man will have to jump through flaming shit hoops to prove it.
I talked to her about how Gerbs found it easier in person (including the bit where he's cheating by being 6'1). She said yeah, cause again goes back to app dating to be so easy and quick, you are going to find girls who will find you replaceable vs meeting someone IRL.
We talked about dating costs. At no point ever in our relationship was Cactus not good enough. Again, a regular dinner for two, 2 mains 2 drinks $100 imo is fair. If the chick thinks Cactus or equivalent is not good enough for say a first date, then maybe the compatitibility isn't there.