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Relationship & Gender DiscussionTHIS SPACE OPEN FOR ADVERTISEMENT. YOU SHOULD BE ADVERTISING HERE! The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...
What ever happened to just finding someone who loves you and you love them?
Why do we have to look at relationships like an investment and calculate what my return will be?
Young padawan, you're saying this because you're still young. As a simple analogy, your question is here akin to an 18 yr old hot blooded guy asking a 40 yr old guy why he (the 40 yr old) isn't horny all the time.
Another way to put it is, as we slowly turn into old farts, your mindset and your way of thinking literally changes to become more conservative. There are evolutionary reasons for this, but the fact is, for most people, it is a natural and gradual change.
I always try to remind myself of this, and I always make a conscious effort to remain open minded on things.
Girl is 30....? and never had a BF before?
She must either be really Ugly or really Fat.
lol good thing you walked away from that one
She's decent looking. Feels like she has high expectations on her first boyfriend.
After she said he thinks she is looking for someone older. Asks me to be friends. Why the fuck would I be looking for friends when we both have enough friends at this stage in life.
Girl is 30....? and never had a BF before?
She must either be really Ugly or really Fat.
lol good thing you walked away from that one
Don't say that, man. I'd dated a good number of girls with little / minimal amount of dating experience back in the day, and they could be the best gf / waifu material depending on what you are looking for.
In my experience, typically, this type of thing happen because of their idiot unrealistic and over-protective Asian parenting. The parents want their sons and daughters to exclusively focus on school when they are in high school and university. Then when they are out of university, they want their children to get themselves a good job first, and then be self-sufficient (and yet still trap them to live at home with them). And then when the late 20's or early 30's hit, they start wondering and grilling their children why they still aren't married yet.
After she said he thinks she is looking for someone older. Asks me to be friends. Why the fuck would I be looking for friends when we both have enough friends at this stage in life.
Possibly a BS excuse from her?
It's like when sales guy from the other dealer/brand calls following up on your car purchase decision making process...
Why do we have to look at relationships like an investment and calculate what my return will be?
IMHO...
In today's day and age where it is so hard for young people to "make it" in life (land a career, save money to buy a house, pay a mortgage in the GVRD etc.), I think that increasingly more people are looking at relationships with money and career in mind. Gone are the days where you can make it on $20/hour. Nowadays, finding a partner with the right career, with goals and ambitions, etc. are more important than ever.
For instance, one of my coworkers broke up with a girl who is a flight attendant. His reason was that she made $15/hour, lived at home, was 27, and was satisfied with her life. She didn't want to move up with her company, go back to school, anything like that. She was satisfied with the pay (as she was living rent free) and liked the perks of cheap flights and vacations. He's 30, makes 80k a year and is looking for something long-term. Sounds shallow but I can't blame him.
But in your example, I wouldn't say that this girl is a "gold digger". From what it sounds like, her parents are already wealthy and she probably wants someone who can sustain the quality of life that she is used to. For me, a "gold digger" is someone who is trying to get into that upper echelon of society using any means necessary, less so as someone already there attempting to maintain it....
For instance, one of my coworkers broke up with a girl who is a flight attendant. His reason was that she made $15/hour, lived at home, was 27, and was satisfied with her life. She didn't want to move up with her company, go back to school, anything like that. She was satisfied with the pay (as she was living rent free) and liked the perks of cheap flights and vacations. He's 30, makes 80k a year and is looking for something long-term. Sounds shallow but I can't blame him.
Reminds me of the girl I was seeing earlier this year. She was the girl that you would like to see yourself dating, but you know it would be a bad time. Aka abg/nammer girl/party girl. But she doesn't blaze, so that's a bonus considering the belle situation LOL.
She went to Langara (trash LOL) for Science (?). Doesn't really know what she wants to do, but all her family works in labs, so she also wanted to go that route. Ok, seems promising. Where does she work? Retail LOL. So I suggested getting some volunteer experience in a Lab so you set yourself up to build a network and job opportunities upon grad. Nope, doesn't want to do that. No time - she would rather go clubbing on weeknights and weekends instead.
I wouldn't say its shallow to dump someone because your own interests lie in continuous self improvement. But on the flip side, I am a never settle type of person - in my career/knowledge. And my network is filled with fellow entrepreneurs and people who enjoy self-improvement.
Why the fuck would I be looking for friends when we both have enough friends at this stage in life.
Awesome line. I told my gf now when we met too, I ain't here to be friends, I got enough friends. I am here for something more (bf/gf and not fuck buddies.)
My last gf was 34 and NEVER dated nor had a serious gf. Super pretty and great on paper; only catch, she was so happy for 34 yrs, hanging out with girls, traveling etc; she was NOT used to accommodating and changing her lifestyle to have a bf. I had to book her in a week ahead and only hang out twice a week.
She couldn't understand the concept of , bf & gf should want to see each other and not having to book appointments.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tone Loc
He's 30, makes 80k a year and is looking for something long-term. Sounds shallow but I can't blame him.
My god sister had the reverse; husband worked retail and super happy after getting married at 40k a yr, whereas she was in PR and marketing and went from 40k to 60k to 80k and their values totally shifted. At the end, they couldn't see eye to eye when his passion and ambition wasn't there and got divorced and became a single mother.
Hey, at work, we have a job description, we must fulfill to get paid. In relationships, i expect gf & bf to have the same, to come together with relationship goals / expectations also. So there's no misunderstanding "oh, i never knew i had to cook and clean, i thought you do it" "oh, I didn't expect to have to put out when we live together" "oh, i thought u pay all the mortgage and I just live rent free"
Amen brother. I've seen a lot of girls (and guys) who are used to the "finer things in life, car, work, travel, eats" unable to bend backwards to "accommodate" to meet people. By setting the bar that high is to limit yourself to options.
Lastly, the bullshi* "you should never settle for less" crap doesn't work with me. I'm the equal opportunity employer. By meeting different people, rich, poor, skinny, rich, gave me a better understanding of what I want and lastly, gave me a much better game.
Not going to judge; you put on a good game and sometime it just didn't work with that one person.
Honestly. It CAN be a blessing in disguise, she tells you what she wants instead of you trying to guess. NOTHING worse then a girl leading you on and not knowing what she wants.
If she wants someone who is financially stable, maturer, mentally solid, maybe you're not it. SOmetimes its ok.
As you mentioned and some touched upon, some aren't willing to bend back or accommodate a change in their lifestyle for one bit. It could have been when I met her up, I didn't offer to buy her a drink or I wasn't gentleman like by taking her home at night. I can list different variables on and on on why she "thinks" she is looking for someone older. All is good, just merely sharing for chatting purposes with you RS peeps
Is this girl looking for someone more "mature" or gold digger? I feel she is a gold digger. At the end of the first initial meetup, it was at night and she didn't drive, so I offered to drop her off at the skytrain station. For reference, I drive a subi with a loud exhaust and my car is new. Maybe I portray myself as an immature kid driving a loud ricer car? Also probably she is used to the benz/bmw lifestyle from the west side? Not sure what people look for when they seek for someone "older" besides financial stability, she's 30 for reference.
I always feel women that have their shit together are the hardest to get into because they have everything and don't feel anything is needed to change their life.
To be fair, women (biologically) mature earlier than men. Coupled with the one child of Asian parents, it seems natural she would be chiseled out of the finest marble for her parents to put on display. She probably analyzed the little details about you (body language is incredibly telling especially since most become unaware of their own) and formulated her thoughts and came to a conclusion there was no compatibility. Maybe she said she wanted someone older to sugar coat some other reason she didn't want to pursue anything with you? I guess there's too many variables to consider.
But at the end of the day, it doesn't sound like much is lost to be honest. Most guys dread the endless 'what if' scenarios that plague their mind even before meeting up with a girl for the first time especially if it's blind.
Quote:
Originally Posted by PK-EK
What ever happened to just finding someone who loves you and you love them?
It's not that easy and will never be that easy. You can reach that checkpoint during the course of your relationship but it can take a while and sometimes requires either party to give up something to make the relationship stronger. If someone is willing to sacrifice a part of their livelihood for their partner, that shows true love. To an outsider it might be silly but life is a giant puzzle that becomes easier to put together as you find someone willing to be with you and only you through life's journey. Willing to face the ups and downs that may come. As your love blossoms into the next generation, there are more hands to help you finish your puzzle.
Tfw you hear one of your classmates talk behind your back about how you make them anxious and remark "I don't even know where he comes up with that shit" ???!!?
I've always wondered how someone builds bridges and mends their perception when something like this happens or the other person doesn't think you're credible
Last edited by AstulzerRZD; 11-07-2018 at 12:12 PM.
my question is why not... *totally intrigued and opening a can of worms here hhahaha
She said no and to take her to skytrain station, I offered LOL. No right or wrong to this. Say you offer someone all this right from the get go, they'll expect that going forward haha. I feel it would be too early for that when you haven't established any grounds with someone you barely know and only seeing for first time.
Also, she lived 1/3 of her life in another city by herself for school/work to be so called "independent". Not really independent when your parents send you money and pay for your shit to survive. E.g. Told me she doesn't go to places alone, need friends or family. I feel like she is full of bullshit, trying to act all independent but really she isn't. If you rely on someone, then you aren't ever independent.
When you smell a university grad still wear Axe Phoneix spray
there's still plenty more that can be a game killer,Lot of hair product,hair spiked like its the 90's,i even heard some females hate it when guys have ears pieced as they don't find it "manly man"
Huge list of things still left out,ugly Goatee,un-kept beard,Ripped jeans,poor shoes,cigarette smoker,annoying personality,Neck Tattoo's or entire sleeve covered in ink that looks like a Shitty basement tattoo or off the wall tattoo,not unique enough.
Guys are the same way depending,like females having a nose piecing looking like a Looney Tunes bull
I replied back couple days later after she told me she "might" be looking for someone older. Told her, not looking for friendship and at our age have enough friends. I said thanks and moved on. I get a reply back later with her saying if I wanted to be friends in the future, just message her.
What?! Sounds like she doesn't have friends or something. Don't even want friends or need more friends.
or she wants someone to join her for a meal every once to feel more comfortable vs eating solo...
this lady who's engaged would call me for dinner since her husband worked till midnight to eat fast food together at 6 pm we pay our own bill of course or if we're feeling friendly.
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